Sunsets...
Some people speak of the rising sun in the morning as their inspiration. For me it is my sunset.
Somehow the sunset wraps it's hues of reds, yellows and charcoals around me and speaks of a never-ending love.
That love is both human and spiritual.
As a child, before I understood what all the religious babble was, I knew in my heart that there was a hope in me for
love that would look different somehow as I grew older; spiritual, yet human as well . This was not perfect in it's actions and effort, but truly perfect in it's core. Regardless of who you loved, admired, feared, rescued, or never knew, we can all experience a common sunset. If today has been difficult, It is at times a portent of a better day. It is the promise of a God
who resembles a patient , loving parent: " If you are finished beating yourself up, you can come here now and let me hold you so that you know how much I love you..."
Yes, I love my sunset: she is wild in her colours and expression, but she is constant, abiding, and the expression of those colours and love for me is never-ending.

Acceptance...
I have been a counsellor for over 20 years. Yet I continually discover ( when I can stand back far enough) new issues of discrimination in my eyes. No, not race,
ethnic, or gender prejudice. Those are the ones that a given portion of the population self-check in our thoughts, dialogue, behaviour, and hearts. This involves dealing not with people who have been hurt or damaged in relationships, but their behaviour in reaction to that damage or hurt. The first thing I do is much like others I have spoken to about this; I react to their behaviour without context. On further inspection, ( both sides of the damaged relationship ) they are God's creation in tremendous pain and their minds, bodies, and hearts are finely tuned to a need for new comfort, solace, peace of mind, and ...yes, love.
My mistake is that, at times, I only give one side of those damaged relationships the latitude to find new love. That's wrong. They don't leave God behind. They talk to him all the time. The very behaviour we condemn in them touches on some kind of boundries we have for ourselves. But, my sense of mercy, and acceptance of them should require that their life events and context are pivotal to their behaviour. The failing in onlookers is that we are so sure we would react differently. Wrong again. Yes, in my experience the behaviour varies, but in simple terms, all of the damaged move beyond their current life boundries because they don't work and the pain is too much. Finally, in most cases, those who have been damaged eventually move back to a spiritual center of gravity in their lives and hearts. Their circumstances have changed, but they are then ready to forgive. In my heart I need to give them the space and time in their lives to do that...

I can almost hear the Sun set...

The difficulties and roadblocks that stand in the way of dreams only make their realization sweeter.
I am learning to listen. Yeah, I'm a counsellor and it is easy to listen to a stranger, but it's harder to listen to those you know and love best. At times I try too hard to anticipate the next thought, feeling of those I know best...as a foolhardy gesture to try and be there for them. No, they want to be given the distance and respect that the "stranger" receives. Finally, when it is given: true attentiveness, listening, it can be an act of love in and of itself. My doctor told me today after looking at my knee X-rays that my joints are beat up, worn out from close to 50 years of over zealous abuse and that ...I must not do anymore competitive running. Ouch! that hurt more than my knees ever did. I have a high pain threshold. Translation: I didn't listen to my own body. Once again listening is important. I will always be a "fixer". That is someone who tries to fix things for other people. But I learn, as I go, that sometimes the best fix for others and ourselves is just to stop and ...listen

Keeping It Simple...


The beauty of Christmas is that you can always find a "fit" for who you are and what strikes your heart the right way.
For some it's the actual love of shopping (?) For others it's hearing the laughter of kids playing in the snow on a crisp clear day before Christmas or for others still, it's the plethora of Christmas programs and pageants where quality is of little or no consequence, but the genuine spirit and the lack of competence of each child's performance is celebrated.
To me it all comes down to celebrating each other. Life is short . In Eriq Maria Remarque's classic war story, "All Quiet On the Western Front ", the German soldier Paul talks about his discovery of what is most important in life. He speaks of being raised in a time when they were told they were living and fighting for God, Germany, and the Kaiser ( substitute whatever current cause is out there ). In the end he speaks of fighting only for the men around him . In the end his observation was that the rosary , the ecclesiastical collar and national religion meant little or nothing in the throes of death, but the cry for a simple God as the creator of ourselves and the people closest to us in life . There is alot of clutter and crap out there for Christmas. During this season, I am going to try every now and again to slow down and pick up on the simplest things about the people closest to me if I can . That way, as this journey continues, I can remember them and celebrate that we are walking through this time together ...flaws and all.

Christmas and the Inevitability of Joy...

I need to make a decision about Christmas. I always find that every year it is a time of decision for me. 1998 was the worst Christmas I ever had...but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Once you have danced with your demons in the depths of that despair, JOY is much more welcome than it ever could have been before. I have friends who are reclaiming their houses as places of JOY . Witnessing that kind of transition is encouraging unto itself...but there is something more powerful at work here. It is a question of relaxing our hearts and souls to let the changes come. We don't put Jesus on a shelf, do our life thing, and then invite him back in. He's been in it the whole time. Yeah, I mess up, but he comes back to me and says " You do all kinds of things, make all manner of plans and wait for some sign of rejection, " But I will not push you away, I love you, and I believe in you...even when you don't love you "... 1999 was one of best Christmas holidays I ever had. I had rediscovered JOY . A friend began to show me that there was so much more than just the love of our family to keep us here. It was a truth I had lost from a long time ago. Since that time, the Joy I have discovered has been assailed by many obstacles: human, physical, spiritual, and circumstantial. Despite this, it seems to have taken on a life of it's own. I call it the inevitability of Joy. It shows up in the moments following tears , a " Kodak moment " frozen; where your children are laughing, or the embrace from a loved one that says " We are just beginning to understand what love looks like " This year I have decided to allow Jesus to speak to me at Christmas. If he knows and sees our lives unfold in his midst, then I will thank Him for this new love and Joy he has brought me...Despite some moments of despair...That Joy is inevitable