The Hope of a Child...

The fact that Hope can exist whether I feel it or not is,perhaps, the most profound proof of God's active existence in my life.
It is always fascinating to me, in a dark sense, that when depression was at it's worst,I believed that everyone else who was happy was simply ignorant and didn't have the insight, wisdom, and discernment that told me that there was never any hope in the first place and that all those other people were living lives of platitudes and denial. That is the beginning of self-destruction...Yet in that very moment, Hope existed regardless of my condition.
In this society, and often families, we live in a world of performance
based love: highly conditional, many boundries, because of course it will make us better people (sic). "It's for our own good really". So we begin to build our lives believing that "What we do" is more important than "Who we are". The search for approval begins and is relentlessly pursued, whether it's for people who are dead or alive. What a terrible,evil, pressure we impose upon ourselves...

Brennan Manning,the relentless old Irish saint from Brooklyn, once said:
"God loves us for who we are right now, not for who we should be."

Brennan was at one time a philandering addict and appeared to be, "a waste of skin." He changed his life, found a strong faith, and headed off to India
to work in Calcutta with the poor, lived in the garbage dumps of Mexico
picking for food with people there, lived on the streets of America with 12 and 14 year old prostitutes, to help them and try to protect them.
After all of that amazing volunteer work in 20 years, he finally realised that God loved him just as much in his worst moments as an addict, as he did during the height of his personal crusade to help others.

If God sees me as a child, "loved as I am right now", as I would say about my own children, then how can I not be drawn to Hope and wonder at what He wants for me.


Regardless of my body chemistry, life obligations,and pressures that I have permitted to rule my life so often, this Hope that is found in the heart of a small child is not foolish, it is the way God meant us to live our lives. The wonder of it all is that it's taken me so long to see it...