Acceptance...
I have been a counsellor for over 20 years. Yet I continually discover ( when I can stand back far enough) new issues of discrimination in my eyes. No, not race,
ethnic, or gender prejudice. Those are the ones that a given portion of the population self-check in our thoughts, dialogue, behaviour, and hearts. This involves dealing not with people who have been hurt or damaged in relationships, but their behaviour in reaction to that damage or hurt. The first thing I do is much like others I have spoken to about this; I react to their behaviour without context. On further inspection, ( both sides of the damaged relationship ) they are God's creation in tremendous pain and their minds, bodies, and hearts are finely tuned to a need for new comfort, solace, peace of mind, and ...yes, love.
My mistake is that, at times, I only give one side of those damaged relationships the latitude to find new love. That's wrong. They don't leave God behind. They talk to him all the time. The very behaviour we condemn in them touches on some kind of boundries we have for ourselves. But, my sense of mercy, and acceptance of them should require that their life events and context are pivotal to their behaviour. The failing in onlookers is that we are so sure we would react differently. Wrong again. Yes, in my experience the behaviour varies, but in simple terms, all of the damaged move beyond their current life boundries because they don't work and the pain is too much. Finally, in most cases, those who have been damaged eventually move back to a spiritual center of gravity in their lives and hearts. Their circumstances have changed, but they are then ready to forgive. In my heart I need to give them the space and time in their lives to do that...