life is waiting 4 us

2010-01-19T23:13:00.000-08:00

Contact...

Try this. Stop contacting people with whom you have been in fairly constant contact with for the last litle while. See if they contact you. I tried this. The results have been nothing short of astounding in some cases. There is a handful of people some distance away, who have stopped contacting me entirely except for special occasions such as Christmas,birthday, etc.

When I was initiating contact with them fairly frequently, I always had a sense that they were in touch with me as well. That was never the case at any time. I just didn't realize it. I was so caught up in the relationship of conversation,people,and news that it never occurred to me that those few didn't want to initiate a relationship, they were just responding
to my attempts to build a relationship over time.

It is a realization not without regret. This lack of reciprocal contact has helped me to understand what performance based relationships are all about. If I am not deemed worthy of their "life code" for me then I will receive less contact.You falter in their eyes...you're out or at least diminished.

Presently,I am still hopeful, but,as they say, reality and time reveal the truth about any relationship...

2009-07-23T14:32:00.000-07:00

The Hope of a Child...

The fact that Hope can exist whether I feel it or not is,perhaps, the most profound proof of God's active existence in my life.
It is always fascinating to me, in a dark sense, that when depression was at it's worst,I believed that everyone else who was happy was simply ignorant and didn't have the insight, wisdom, and discernment that told me that there was never any hope in the first place and that all those other people were living lives of platitudes and denial. That is the beginning of self-destruction...Yet in that very moment, Hope existed regardless of my condition.
In this society, and often families, we live in a world of performance
based love: highly conditional, many boundries, because of course it will make us better people (sic). "It's for our own good really". So we begin to build our lives believing that "What we do" is more important than "Who we are". The search for approval begins and is relentlessly pursued, whether it's for people who are dead or alive. What a terrible,evil, pressure we impose upon ourselves...

Brennan Manning,the relentless old Irish saint from Brooklyn, once said:
"God loves us for who we are right now, not for who we should be."

Brennan was at one time a philandering addict and appeared to be, "a waste of skin." He changed his life, found a strong faith, and headed off to India
to work in Calcutta with the poor, lived in the garbage dumps of Mexico
picking for food with people there, lived on the streets of America with 12 and 14 year old prostitutes, to help them and try to protect them.
After all of that amazing volunteer work in 20 years, he finally realised that God loved him just as much in his worst moments as an addict, as he did during the height of his personal crusade to help others.

If God sees me as a child, "loved as I am right now", as I would say about my own children, then how can I not be drawn to Hope and wonder at what He wants for me.

Regardless of my body chemistry, life obligations,and pressures that I have permitted to rule my life so often, this Hope that is found in the heart of a small child is not foolish, it is the way God meant us to live our lives. The wonder of it all is that it's taken me so long to see it...

2009-06-15T20:07:00.000-07:00

God's Subtlety...

Have you ever been in a place where Love and comfort is screaming at you and you can't hear it?...A place where it's sunny outside , but you can't feel it or see it? ...but then it begins. It is not an overwhelming moment to be sure, but simply a subtle move, a twinge perhaps that says; "It's going to be alright." There are waves that still occur, but something is moving in your heart and mind and the Almighty once again is saying;

"I will believe in you especially in those moments when you don't believe in yourself."
THAT is how He loves us...

2009-06-02T09:22:00.000-07:00

Turning Points...

Life is full of turning points: marriage, babies, being a parent, death of our parents. Many of us carry on as if life will go on forever. It doesn't. 228 souls perished this week aboard a French airliner. They had hopes, dreams, families and they faded into the ether. A friend of mine, Gary, used to run with the rest of my hobbled middle aged team in the Haney To Harrison Relay. He died of esophagal cancer last year at 58 years of age. I remember running (badly) a 5 km. in honour of Gary's memory last year.
The message is this: We only have so much time on this terrestrial ball.
Many talk alot about sucking all the marrow out of life all that you can.
Yes, in one sense...
In that time and span though, who is being hurt, embittered, damaged
by the way we have lived our lives while we were "sucking the marrow"?
The God I know, sees all, knows all, and allows us to make mistakes, have accidents, love and be loved. Bad things happen to Good people.

I need to accept that fact and possibility in my life.I cannot look after everyone,
but I can take the life I have been given in the midst of possibility and prayer and do His will...

2009-05-22T21:26:00.000-07:00

Life In a Box...

If we live our lives in a box, it will be easier. Don't get involved.
Don't bother with people who are street people, Trailer Trash families,
Gay youth, Marginalised poor, Alternative kids, Tourettes, Mentally Ill adults, kids, and the entretched Celtic poor of this community. Walk by , live our lives. There must be somebody out there who does the "care thing" with them or at least shows compassion on some level.
Sorry, I'm not talking about aboriginal communities because the programs, counsellors, youth care workers ,and money that is available is finally there in high frequency due to the saturation of guilt we feel as Canadians because of residential schools that is lacking for the other groups I've mentioned.

Here's a newsflash for everyone. There is a Celtic demographic cohort in my town that is replete with poor, academically disadvantaged kids that has no special funding, no targeted help and a sense that "they" will always be with us. If I begin to use Surnames , you would know the families of whom I speak.

Yet , in all of this they survive, just as their ancesters did so long ago in their homelands, despite the predation of Vikings, the English, famine (half the population decimated) and finally the reception in this gracious land:

" Irish beggars are to be met everywhere, and they are as ignorant and vicious as they are poor. They are lazy, improvident and unthankful; they fill our poorhouses and our prisons, and are as brutish in their superstition as Hindoos."

George Brown, Toronto Globe, 1851

There is a school yard in Toronto that has the graves of many irish men, women, and children under the asphalt that the children play on regardless of the families buried underneath. Sacred graveyard? Nope. Just more diseased Irish bastards best forgotten, just like my community, generations of Celtic welfare poor...remember, everyone matters , this is Canada.

2009-04-08T19:52:00.000-07:00

The Little Boy Who Disappeared...

Once upon a time there lived a boy who was close to all of his people.
He often observed and watched the goings on in the village amongst his people.
He was a happy little boy and always felt that his people would always be there for him no matter what happened in his life. He knew that his people would always think the best of him, because they would look after him when the other tribes showed up and threatened the people. As time went on the boy grew and lived apart from his people in the village. He grew and changed. He was not the same boy who lived back then,any more than the people whom he left behind.

When he returned, he found himself at odds with some of his people. This was unusual for him because some of his people were acting strangely. These few were suspicious, angry, and began to ask questions that they already thought they had answers for... He went on a journey to the distant village of Hpleug, because in that village there was a learned man who explained to this grown up boy why his people were so angry. The boy didn't tell them where he was going because he knew that they would understand. He knew that they could entrust him to keep the sacred laws, no matter who he talked to. The learned man who studied the ways of all people, warned him about the "few". The boy listened and told the learned seer that he was wrong in his predictions and that even the one who had been left on the island of desolation with the little ones so many years ago would understand best of all...The learned man listened intently and looked sad for a moment and he nodded to the boy as he smiled weakly. "My boy, the very one who has seen the island of Desolation will not understand, but that one will be bringing the heaviest judgement upon you!"
The little boy was sad and protested again, saying, "I will explain, those few will understand!" The learned man shook his head and said, "No, my son, they will condemn you for this very day that you sit infront of me."

When he returned the villagers greeted him with news of their lives and enquired after his life. The "few" held their tongues with him because they had been talking amongst themselves. They implored the others that this boy had broken the sacred laws. They announced to some that "He has a plan, this crafty boy!" "He seeks to break the sacred laws!" "He is like so many others!" Finally, the one who had seen the island of desolation so many years ago, spoke up. " He is no better than the one who sent me to the island of Desolation!" " Do not believe anything he tells you, he has been thrown over to madness!" "I will make those closest to you understand who you really are!"

He has no sadness about him, he has a plan! What say you boy?

The boy looked up, first at those closest to him, then at the "few", then finally at the victim of desolation who was staring intently at him. He said,
" I only have a plan to survive. You see me as one who is perhaps sick of mind and heart and so my words have become pointless for you as they leave my mouth."
Truely, the only thing that has made me sick of mind and heart is that you, the very victim of a desolation that I am coming to know, does not know me at all...perhaps you never did."
With that, the boy from the village he loved, turned around, and with a heavy heart, disappeared...

2009-01-27T20:19:00.000-08:00

Alone...

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”

Mother Theresa

Being lonely has little to do with how many are in the same room or the number of friends we have.
We are living in a sea of lonely people. Due to social convention, and the need for some kind of conversational conformity that we all live by, these people are hard to spot.
They are quiet, they are outgoing, they are married, and they are not married, they are men and they are women.

You will not see it in the span of a day unless, you spend that day looking for it.
If you take that time and energy, you will see it in others.

It is someone who is part of a group listening to a joke or a story and if you watch them, you will see it. It is a quick looking away or a glance downward.
It might come across in a smile that is tinged with melancholy. It could be a call you receive from a friend that seems to be simply filling a gap of time, when in fact, it is really a search to open up or a search for something more.
It is a question in your mind about something that someone said that grips you later in the day and you wonder what they were really trying to say.

Those are lonely people. Some talk too little, some talk too much.
In time, if you wish, you will spot them. If you are a lonely person, it's much easier...

2009-01-17T18:48:00.000-08:00

Time To Hope Again...

"I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant."

Martin Luther King Jr.

In 1968, evil was triumphant for the moment and the world's greatest civil rights leader and visionary was cut down on the balcony of a hotel in Memphis.

It was the darkest day and the darkest moment in the modern history of the civil rights movement in the United States. As a 12 year old boy , I remember the hopeless demeanor of the adults around me that day who gazed at the heavens as if to ask why. On the very day that Dr. King was assassinated, Robert Kennedy gave an impromptu speech and said these words:

"What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence and lawlessness, but is love, and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice toward those who still suffer within our country, whether they be white or whether they be black."

Just two months later, Sirhan Bishara Sirhan, a 24-year-old Palestinian, opened fire with a .22 caliber revolver and shot Kennedy in the head at close range.The many hopes and dreams of people throughout the world concerning the United States was to be buried for a very long time.It was a very hopeless time indeed.

During that time, a skinny, inconsequential 7 year old black child
attended school at St. Francis of Assisi in Jakarta, Indonesia.
The darkness has faded and Dr. Kings words are prophetic...On Tuesday that little black child from 1968, Barack Obama, is being inaugurated as President of the United States. It is time to hope again...

2008-10-30T20:56:00.000-07:00

The Stuff I Come From...

I sit here to night in the warmth of my apartment, food at my fingertips, shelter, despite my desire for more, I have all the money anyone should ever need. I have an education that led directly to the career and income that I have...but I must never forget where the motivation and spirit for all of this started...

It all goes back to that little Irish girl Mary Cooper. She grew up in the poor family led by her father, an unemployed shipworker in Belfast. At some point something inside of her pushed her as never before to win the ONLY scholarship in her school of Irish ragamuffins.

She married the Saskatchewan farm boy. He went through the depression, raised by a mother who's people came to this land from Tipperary in the belly of a ship for something better.He went through the war in the foreign jungles of Burma and vowed that if he survived that time of Evil, fear, and the stench of death, he would make something of himself.

We don't celebrate these people because they have always been here as ancestral claimants to this great land. We celebrate them because they left what they knew and drove blindly into a storm we can't imagine...No...I want their Faith...not the cautious old religion of this land.

2008-10-13T13:36:00.000-07:00

Waiting For Justin...

This election has been called a dogs breakfast in political terms. The "frontrunner" Harper gets down on his knees every night and gives thanks for Stephane Dion . Dion is an honourable man and even a man of integrity. Unfortunately, we all know that this is not enough. To be a bastard , cruel, and ruthless, combined with a few "sound bites" and pictures of that same individual in a cardigan with some hapless kid on his knee is enough. We all retain enough fascism to celebrate decisiveness over integrity. Harper is a product of a Liberal party in dissaray...and he knows it. Imagine Justin Trudeau ( even now ) debating with Harper instead of Dion. Harper and others making the mistake of speaking of his youth or the legacy of his father...

Scan your memory , if you are over 40, try to remember Pierre Trudeau's sense of the moment and the articulation that was there during the debates and reporter scrums of his day. There was no equal.

I wondered at the possibility of this DNA not finding itself in Margaret and Pierre's son until I saw him in a clip debating with separatists at the Universite Du Montreal. The same swagger was there, the smile, not of sheer arrogance, but of a man who was ready to close the trap on the vitriole of his opponent. I watched this unfold, and he did . The opponent was dumbfounded , angry and responded in a childish manner which revealed the lack of depth in his response...then, I saw it; The shining eyes, the stare, and a sense that we are about to see a new leader on the political scene who may even be more intriguing than his father. Perhaps there is hope for this country.

Be glad to be alive in this time. We are about to experience the history of a political giant.
It's just a matter of waiting...

2008-10-11T17:31:00.000-07:00

Our Children Are Us...

When my son is hurting, I hurt more than I do for me with less control over that life.

My age and wisdom allows me to know it will not last, but I walk through his hopeless feelings with him regardless. I am a counsellor and I have told many parents, with the certainty of 22 years of counselling experience, that the current hell of suffering for their offspring will pass. I am correct in the vast majority of circumstance that this is a reasonable statement.

All bets are off when it is my child. Others have told me what I have told them at other times. This is reassuring, but the current pain of my boy is something I want to tear away from the very sinew of his body and eat it, swallow it, and wear it, if it will save him from it.

In the long view, I know that he will learn and be formed by this pain and he will in time help others because of the journey he is taking now. But, God help me, in these times I will use everything that I am to keep him from the abyss. There are millions of parents all over the world in many lands doing this very thing right now. At the very least, I know that the God that made us all is listening.

Thank you...

2008-08-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

The Lofty Chair...

I remember the day one of my closest friends whom I grew up with told me that he had separated from his wife and he was heading for divorce. I wrote him a letter. I told him he was wrong and that his wife was perfect for him. I told him that he was breaking God's law, his vows. I asked where his faith had gone. I told him that I was angry with him. I told him that he wasn't the man I thought he was. I told him that others would tell him the same thing. I told him that he was arrogant. I told him that he had a cavalier view of life, marriage, and faith. I told him that he was just tired of his wife and wanted something different . I told him that he was unfaithful to his wife and friends. I told him that he wasn't who I thought he was.
He asked me some very pointed and relevant questions that I refused to hear at the time...

He responded: I thought you knew me. I thought you would assume the best about me. I thought you would know that there was a tremendous amount of pain in our lives and that I had already sought help a number of times over the years through third parties and prayer. I thought the first thing you would do was ask me how I was doing and whether I was alright, but you didn't. I didn't misjudge you, I never really knew you...

Since that time I have met him and his second wife and asked for his forgiveness.
He gave it up right away. Then this year I fell off of my lofty chair.The higher you sit , the more it hurts when you fall and yes,the harder it is to see everything clearly down below...

The fall still hurts. What was I thinking?

2008-07-27T09:55:00.000-07:00

Americans Need this Man more than they know...

What follows is an excerpt from Barack Obama's speech in Berlin;

"Yes, there have been differences between America and Europe. No doubt, there will be differences in the future. But the burdens of global citizenship continue to bind us together. A change of leadership in Washington will not lift this burden. In this new century, Americans and Europeans alike will be required to do more - not less. Partnership and cooperation among nations is not a choice; it is the one way, the only way, to protect our common security and advance our common humanity.

That is why the greatest danger of all is to allow new walls to divide us from one another.

The walls between old allies on either side of the Atlantic cannot stand. The walls between the countries with the most and those with the least cannot stand. The walls between races and tribes; natives and immigrants; Christian and Muslim and Jew cannot stand. These now are the walls we must tear down.

We know they have fallen before. After centuries of strife, the people of Europe have formed a Union of promise and prosperity. Here, at the base of a column built to mark victory in war, we meet in the center of a Europe at peace. Not only have walls come down in Berlin, but they have come down in Belfast, where Protestant and Catholic found a way to live together; in the Balkans, where our Atlantic alliance ended wars and brought savage war criminals to justice; and in South Africa, where the struggle of a courageous people defeated apartheid.

So history reminds us that walls can be torn down. But the task is never easy. True partnership and true progress requires constant work and sustained sacrifice. They require sharing the burdens of development and diplomacy; of progress and peace. They require allies who will listen to each other, learn from each other and, most of all, trust each other...

Now the world will watch and remember what we do here - what we do with this moment. Will we extend our hand to the people in the forgotten corners of this world who yearn for lives marked by dignity and opportunity; by security and justice? Will we lift the child in Bangladesh from poverty, shelter the refugee in Chad, and banish the scourge of AIDS in our time?

Will we stand for the human rights of the dissident in Burma, the blogger in Iran, or the voter in Zimbabwe? Will we give meaning to the words "never again" in Darfur?

Will we acknowledge that there is no more powerful example than the one each of our nations projects to the world? Will we reject torture and stand for the rule of law? Will we welcome immigrants from different lands, and shun discrimination against those who don't look like us or worship like we do, and keep the promise of equality and opportunity for all of our people?"

We all need to pray that this man lives long enough to carry out some of this vision.
He renews my hope in the United States. The Americans have a tendency to destroy their best sons or reject them: John and Robert Kennedy, Jimmy Carter, and Martin Luther King Junior. Men like this don't show up very often.

God protect him...please

2008-07-06T22:52:00.000-07:00

Adrift...

The title of my Blog page is "Life is Waiting for Us" . That title mocks me now.
Everyone has anchors in their lives. These anchors define and dictate your
persona , as much to yourself as to others. When these anchors shift or are severed, we are momentarily lost. We do not set another anchor right away because we have to sail to the next anchor or foundation. In that sailing time between anchors, we are
adrift , searching, and questioning the worth of who we are... This time, there is some sense in me that I will come through all of this and find the anchor or port again someday.... but until then , the boat is adrift...

2008-04-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

Beware The Warrior...

Many men become immobilsed when a righteous notion is challenged,
Their kindness and mercy is rebuffed and mistaken for weakness,
Ah, but the true Warrior...he rises in the face of rebuff, his senses sharpened, his true soul exposed.
He will strike with precision and focus, his passion unabated.

2008-03-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

There is a Moment...

" Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. "

M.A. Radmacher

In the history of everyone's life, there is a moment. This moment is when against all odds we turn to face the " Dragon " that seeks to destroy us. It is as simple as the addict who says no more and looks to pay the price to become clean or as riveting as Mikhail Gorbachev who gave up the privileges of power to turn and break up the Soviet Empire to create the seeds of democracy and self-determination in Eastern Europe.
In all of our lives there are a series of moments where we do the contrary thing, the thing that does not flow, the thing that exacts a price for justice that is personal or corporate. I do not pray for my children that they are rich, famous, popular, or excel on a national stage of any kind , but that they, in that moment turn and face the "Dragon" in their lives...

2008-03-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

Martyrdom...

Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.

G.B. Shaw

This was never more true than today. Suicide bombers killing and taking as many people with them as possible. Families being promised support and food, money after they are gone from blowing themselves up and taking as many other innocents of their own communities with them . In many articles and pieces of literature in the United States and Canada, this practice is condemned as are these people, but we created them due to our complicity with American foreign policy which has had a direct impact on the creation of these suicide bombers. Their religious extremism is fueled by the folly of the invasion of Iraq and it now spills over into Afghanistan. It is interesting to note that in a previous existence, the Taleban did not engage in suicide bombing. Some would say they engaged in suicide combat, but it was never their miitary methodology to blow themselves up. This comes from the seeds of American Military adventures that have thrown western excess in the face of Muslims, with no plan to truly rebuild with the respect of local input in place. Many people wrongly surmised years ago that when Anwar Sadat was assasinated that the opposition to middle east peace was too much to handle. Few people understood it as an act of desperation. It was. The quiet we see in Iraq right now is not now due to the "surge" of American forces, it is the local Sunni leadership taking charge of the mess made by Al Queada. ( the locals see them as religious anarchists ).
Jesus Christ was not a Martyr because he is alive today. The tomb is empty. Our responsibility as Christians is not to rush in as many people as possible to evangelise the people of the middle east. Our responsibility is to pressure the United States to withdraw from Iraq and pour as much money, diplomacy and effort to help Palestinians out of poverty, place pressure on Israel for a true Palestinian homeland. When has any of this ever worked ? Belfast. Check it out. Arms supplies have been cut-off from the United States . Wealth from the Republic to the south is spilling over.
The economic miracle to the south is The Republic of Ireland . It is the second richest country per capita in Europe after Luxemburg. Free post-secondary education for everyone. Why do the Taleban target schools ? Because they know that it is , for good or bad, the best propoganda device in existence. It is the way out , the way of change, the creation of a new cadre of women in that country who will change it. Pour money into free education at a high level for Palestinians and many peoples of the middle east . Base your assault on education , ways out of poverty, economic support instead of billions of dollars for Military operations. These people will then not return to our shores as bombers but , consultants, immigrants, and neighbors.
I'm a dreamer ? Perhaps . Ask yourself how well the other strategy has been working...

2008-03-20T02:25:00.000-07:00

The Bad Dog Boycott: Free Methodism ?

The boycott wil only hurt those who exercise it. While pastors from many churches in town enjoy the fruits of lively debate there, the boycotters must drive by everyday and make a decision to reject , dislike or perhaps even hate.
It is a road that leads to God-like proportions that no one can carry on their shoulders. To exist is not a thorn for the Dog, but to decide everyday to reject that existence takes energy , judgement, and self-righteous pandering..all of "that" is a thorn...
In the long and proud history of the Free Methodist church there was a rejection of slavery, rejection of the wealthy ruling in church, rejection of any and all secret societies, an advocation of women leading, ( long before many others ) and a sense that Wesley left the pulpit of the High Church to reach the common man , the poor, the homeless: the very people who are served at both the Bad Dog Grill and New Heights Community Church. This "campaign" to boycott the Bad Dog Grill has it's origin in people who no longer have any connection to the local Free Methodist church, but simply a personal anger cloaked under the guise of demands for Public Confessions and Mea Culpa's to, in fact, satisfy a sense of personal betrayal ...Do not be fooled.

2008-03-12T23:31:00.000-07:00

Friendship...

Scott Williams is my friend. I love him. His children are my children. My children are his. He, like me, is flawed.
I will continue to choose his friendship. It has alot to do with his heart and it's relentless nature.
I am proud to have him as a friend. He was there for me when my children were in crisis.
He was there for me when my mind took a long walk. I was there for him when his mind took it's own holiday.
THAT is what friends do. Have I screwed up in my life ? hmmmmmmm....yes, I have. Has Scott ? Have you ?
Should I require of you that by MY measure you should shame and humiliate yourself , so that you can breath the same air and I can be associated with you? If you wont do this perhaps I should take your friends away from you and isolate you until my bitterness is assuaged with the satisfaction of your loneliness. No. Playing God is a big gig. Are those who play God ready to tackle all of the other shit that the world doles out ? I think not. The very portion of me that would say I cannot keep my friends company, will condemn me to a life that has no room for forgiveness...only conditions for everything.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

Mother Theresa

2008-01-26T23:38:00.000-08:00

The Courage To Be Real...

I thought I knew what courage is...stopping your car to save someone from jumping off of a bridge or diving into dangerous waters to save a drowning man... yes, perhaps.
What about telling people who we really are flaws and all. Our weaknesses exposed. No guarantee of acceptance or approval,perhaps even rejection for something that no one ever need know.Except that there is a something beautiful and ultimately noble in anyone who has decided to be authentic at any price.To add significance to this decision, try this when you are a teenager. This is a time when life is raw because everything everyone thinks about you is important. So, the very act of becoming authentic by telling the world about your weakness of any sort is truly an act of courage. It is diametrically opposed to any sense of social survival during this time to expose what might be weak or wrong with yourself to the rest of the world.
I know of two young people who have done this. The first one, a young woman now 18 years of age,told anyone who cared to know that she suffered from depression and had struggled with self-harm in the form of "cutting" for sometime. She has even set up a helping website for those struggling with this personal hell. The other teenager , a young man of 15 years of age,has made an announcment on facebook that he is depressed and is receiving help and medication. When I asked him why he did this, he said that he did not want to "hide" and then he said, "If they know, how can they hurt me now?"
I am not fully authentic. There is much that people don't know about me. I desire authenticity perhaps more than many things I thought I wanted. But I wonder at the courage of these young people and I long for a time in my life when I will have the same courage to live authentically.
Many families have scholars and athletes for children who soar to heights of local fame and glory. I now know that these 2 children of mine and the oldest as well (who has faced down authority for the sake of the others at great jeopardy to herself) are my heroes. In some strange way , they have become my role models. I have never been prouder of those children of mine for the authenticity in their lives that I hope to someday have in my life...

2007-12-18T23:29:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the Post Modern World...

We were going to feed Africa . Western democracy was the answer for any country , regardless of culture, if they'd only realize it. Technolgy wins wars . Western armies don't even need indigenous support, technology will triumph. Pollution ? Carbon filters on smoke stacks , clean power, a growth industry of it's own. Then 9/11. Western arrogance exposed.
Would anyone suppose that we had anything to do with that ? Would anyone think that our treatment of the rest of the world would someday find it's way to our doorstep like the cry of an angry adolescent who no listened to and eventually brought a gun to school. What did we expect ? "Israeli's good, Arabs bad". Somehow that would never come home to roost ? Some tried for understanding . Jimmy Carter. But of course he was weak because some helicopters crashed in Iran and he was too idealistic. What did he want? Palestinians at the table. No wall, just phased integration of people who already work together on a few levels...But he was that southerner who quoted Malcolm X . Can't have him...then this one guy eventually runs for president cheats and wins...ok he cheated. That's why he won. Americans tell everyone in polls that next time they want a decisive democrat, war hero, Kennedy connection. Round 2. That guy actually shows up. John Kerry. He's a decorated war hero, kennedy circle, blah, blah. Americans ? They climbed further down the rabbit hole and voted for the fear monger, the college dropout, the deserter, business screw-up : George W. Bush. "The kid with the loaded gun" finally shows up and we have 9/11. People in charge suddenly realise they have alot to learn ? Nope. Instead we have the "Axis of Evil" Walls in Israel (I thought we just got rid of a wall in central Europe?) Knee jerk war in Iraq that has inspired more "students" to bring more "guns to school" and no one seems to learn anything. But out there , many can see that there is a growing fear, suspicion, even a knowledge that all of these years we were wrong about so many things. We need to listen to the rest of the human family outside of the this place with "all of the answers" before it's too late. I really hope it isn't already...

2007-10-29T21:26:00.000-07:00

An Angry Man...

I know an angry man who will never know it's end
He longs for some justice where leaders never bend
he longs for honest belief that embraces all our poor
and not just someone's claim of land for which we all endure

I know an angry man who will never know it's end
He longs for Christian men who embrace the Gay
and Palestinian, to whom Allah's hand extends
He longs for education where third worlds can gather and learn
instead of child soldiers making women bleed and burn

I know an angry man who will never know it's end
He sees the sporting coaches turn the hopes of children into their private hell
When all that they ever wanted was to be loved for running , not running well
He longs for understanding why the status of love is measured for all to see
by family tidyiness, possessions, churches, and neighborhood popularity

I know an angry man who desires hope in a simple God
Who will allow him to put his anger to rest before his bones are turned to sod...

2007-08-13T23:14:00.000-07:00

Yeah, Both Countries have the Same Fast Food, but...

Immigration is the backbone of this country. The Americans speak of it through Emma Lazarus from another time;
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore."
Of course, all of these people are required to forget ( as quickly as possible, along with their passports ) where they came from to become " Americans" The past is counterproductive to joining the " great enterprise"
Despite this, there is still a place called Canada that takes in new immigrants with the understanding that in a given city they may eventually outnumber the original european immigrants from another time. There is also an understanding that without being born in their adopted nation they can still become it's leader. This is not so in the United States, because you can't fully trust an "immigrant" to lead the great enterprise. The Canadian ideal of the "mosaic society" has lost a step lately, but it yet survives. It is of course the idea that we need to value the original countries of our new Canadians, because it makes them...
better Canadians. These people are in the truest sense of the word "free" to be themselves instead of the obligation of the revolution to the south that says the maintenance of their origins will divide and tear the place apart. It's all part of that strained patriotism you see down south that shows up in the overkill of flags everywhere. It almost seems like a national display that reveals a lack of confidence instead of the intended result. It is much likened to the bravado of an adolescent wearing his school colours onsite so that you will know that he's "o.k." or that he fits in. It is a whole new peer pressure
that always makes me feel a slight sense of strain or tension when I am there. When I was in Seattle for a visit, I spoke with a cabby who had immigrated to the U.S. from Somalia 6 years ago. ( most cabdrivers in Seattle seem to be from Somalia ) He spoke of Somali's he knew in Vancouver and said that he always felt the "pressure come off of him" when he crossed the Canadian border to see friends. he spoke of a sense that the United States is a society with less compassion. He finished by saying there is a greater pressure to look to your own needs so much that it is hard to see other people. Yes, we can still see to other people's needs in this country, but it has faded somewhat in recent times. To many American officials medicare is a sloppy concept that interferes with the efficiency of private institutions that seek to make a profit . To many Canadians medicare is a statement that says we have a minimal obligation to care for all Canadians on some level without financial demand for service beyond their means . We must protect the sense of compassion we still have here for new Canadians. Never forget that the American revolution was not the poor of Paris storming the Bastille , it was in fact New World Smugglers who wanted the freedom to pursue their profits without the interference of British Regulation. The flowery rhetoric of the leaders demonized the Brtish and convinced suffcient numbers of common people who rose in their support. Goebbels once said " The bigger the lie, the more believable it is." How true. Just ask George Bush.

2007-07-27T19:30:00.000-07:00

San Juans, Friends, My Son...

From Sunday until today ( Friday, July 27th ) I have been cycling hard in the San Juan islands with some old friends I get together with every summer (when I can) and this year, with my son Preston. The San Juan Islands are gorgeous . It is truly a group of inviting, quiet, pastoral islands set in a cool mediterranean climate. The guys I went with are people I have worked with at one point or they are friends or relatives of those people . I have been taking summer adventures with these middle-aged men for 10 years . In almost all of these trips some of our kids have been journeying with us. These are trips with some measure of risk involved. Our first trip was off the west coast of Vancouver Island paddling on the ocean in canoes to various islands off the coast. I took my daughter Meredith, who was nine at the time. She was terrified and wanted to go back to the shore, but as we reassured her, she began to notice the primeval beauty that surrounded us. We ended up on Vargas island where there was an endless stretch of white sand beach, dolphins, two other young daughters from some of the other guys and a turning point in my life. At one time , my generation of children ran free . In one sense , we lived at risk in adventures without the presence of our parents to watch us 24/7. That way has been lost...perhaps for all generations to come. I have often longed for some sense of risk and adventure for my children that would build a sense of awe, independence, and character. Somehow, these trips have garnered some important measure of that for those children . I realised on this trip for the first time that myself and one of my children will be taking these summer adventures as long as I am capable. 5 years ago my daughter Jillian went on one of these adventures with me in a double kayak throughout the broken island group off the west coast of Vancouver island . She was strangely quiet. My colleagues on the trip ( counsellors and educators among them) raised concern about what they observed. She came home and our family went through a time where we thought we would lose her. During that dark time, the relationship that had been created between us, father and daughter during our time kayaking together was in some part pivotal to her survival later on.
As I watched my 15 year old son this week cycle up a daunting set of hills towards a curving coastal road that would eventually take a drop towards the ocean , I felt a tremendous sense of pride that he was free to feel fully alive, and in his own eyes, to be a man. My friend Dave Derpak said it best over breakfast on the Victoria ferry after a 2 hour bike ride to get there today, " There is no replay on this time we have here , sometimes, because we are blessed or lucky , we get to do things that seem to put everything into perspective or back into balance again. "

2007-07-11T21:41:00.000-07:00

The Prairie Boys...

When I was a young shiftless lout in some of the more idle moments of my life, My father would look at me and say " Hey , why don't you get up and blow the stink off yourself ! " For a long time I thought it was just a colloquialism found amongst the Greenshields and Hodgins farm boys from Saskatchewan . But I have since learned that others who have fathers with prairie roots said the same thing. Many of these men are gone . They came from even harder men who would be deemed rough and even cruel by any child care standards of today...and yet there was a strange gentility , even a humility and grace that could be seen in these men despite childhoods that knew some large measure of brutality. My father used to cuff me on the back of my head
when I was a misbehaving as a child, he would threaten to "ring one off my balcony" : my balcony being the back of my head. I always thought it a bit comical in later years when my father said that he would "never kick a child" As if hitting a child in the back of the head made him a humanitarian.

The comment he made though was in reference to the way he was treated as were most prairie children during his time. His father, my grandfather, caught my cousins and I when were 6 and 7 years of age touching some precious item on the farm and with less than a warning he began to kick us. I never forgot those moments in light of my father's childhood. I shudder to think about it now and I marvel at the measured moments of my childhood and those of many others I have spoken with. I have seen many of these prairie men as grandfathers in their later years and there is a care and gentility with children amongst them despite their personal experiences or perhaps because of them. Their faces always seemed to have a wisdom born from wars of decision, anguish, personal pain and a lack of control in their lives. I understand now where the comment came from. My father was no more energetic than many other men. he even told me he was as "lazy as the next guy"...I'd doubt it...But there were times in his life he had to convince himself to get up, take on an ugly, seemingly impossible task, and finish what he started.

Even now , many of us who have been raised by prairie fathers long gone would be happy to hear them say again " " "Hey! what kind of bullshit are you trying to pull now ? Get up and blow the stink off yourself !"
I miss those men in our world...

2007-04-07T13:19:00.000-07:00

Change...

No wants to be the source of change . We want everyone else to create change around us so that we are victims.
Then we get to be overcomers, garner sympathy , and take little or no responsibility for the change.
Of course life experience tells us otherwise . In the long run , most people begin to realise that everyone tied to a change is involved in a big change in life whether they initiated it or not . It takes courage to change . I know now that if I think that I have the motivations and reasons completely understood right away about changes people have made in their lives, then I am not listening , understanding, or frankly knowing very much at all about the real reason why change took place...

I say bravo to those who have the courage to change. The very essence of Christianity is about change , initiative , and taking responsibilty for those changes. The Bible seems to say very little about waiting for life to happen to you. Patience with God ? Yes. Allowing the waves of life circumstance to be our master ? No...unless we are looking for some short term sympathy and emotional charity until everyone figures out that we are avoiding change. Then we are simply maintaining the dysfunctional status quo in our lives .

May God grant all of us the courage to change in his time instead of waiting for circumstance to dictate all of our lives until we are back in the soil .

2007-03-31T00:36:00.000-07:00

The Perception Of Others...

Those who appear strong to us are often more fragile than we thought possible.
Many people wear a shell that thinly covers the overwhelming doubt within.
The shell can be made of Bravado , Youth ,The accumulation of long life experience, the certainty of an overly organised world or the trappings of a given peer group. Unfortunately , we sometimes make decisions about those people based on those perceptions of their unrelenting strength . It's not there. It never was.
But...and it's a big one...we have to make decisions about those people based on our faulty perception because they don't correct it for us and we don't,or aren't able to, see them through God's eyes. After all we have to protect ourselves , don't we ? Too bad . Humanity always seems to be at it's best when our souls are laid bare
and key people in our lives treat that transparency with the respect and dignity it deserves . That's not what happens. We end up protecting ourselves because we have been hurt or wronged and someone must pay. We all believe we are owed because of "our hurt"
and it is this factor that stops us from seeing the real impact of our lives on others.
Whole lives are tragically lived in this fashion.

2007-03-01T00:04:00.000-08:00

I believe...

I believe that God will have his way.
I believe that the people in my heart are and will be loved
I believe there will be justice for the unjust and we don't always have to be the vehicle.

I believe that too many decisions today are based or foisted on Fear or Money:
War in Iraq, The very essence of the American Revolution as it continues,
Harper's desire to emulate that revolution , The constant felt need for companies and
Public Institutions to make life decisions on behalf of citizens in this country.

I believe in a Loving God who is saddened and amazed at how his creation
feasts on itself. Finally, I believe in a Loving God who works unoticed mostly through events, people, You and I, to make this world a better place despite all the shit that we pull...

2007-01-30T01:19:00.000-08:00

Madness...

I am controlled by no one and I am controlled by everyone ( ? ) Yes!
I will decide tommorrow who will control me and who wont.
What price personal liberty ? I will grant permission to the kind-hearted, the
exploiters, the compassionate, the cruel, the sensitive and the bullies
to control me in bits and pieces, in moments or...
I could change the granting of that permission. If I do,
then those who formerly controlled my world must explain my independance
as a sickness perhaps or a flaw to others, because there is no way
around it. Such freedom requires a new security or insanity.
Insanity is good and it works, but in the long term I would not be taken seriously.
Taken seriously ? Why would it matter ? It matters...There are people who need me.
What new security then ? Perhaps this question is the biggest test
of how we see ourselves in the eyes of God. If we have REAL confidence in
HIS approval being the only thing that matters ( ultimately ) then we would live lives of true freedom.
That is how I want to live, because his will is that I am kind, compassionate, strong...
not to gain favor with others, but HIS will. Perfection ? Forget it ! Agknowledging my flawed state
and allowing God to use whatever I have ? Much better...
Tommorrow , I will grant permission to God to use me.
The approval from the rest of the crowd ? No, you are flawed like me. Forget it.

Check out the author of your existence or spend your time explaining to the rest of your colleagues this wonderful " Madness" that has gripped my heart and that of a few others.

2007-01-11T23:06:00.000-08:00

Principled...At what price ?

Have you noticed that the people who talk of the need for
"taking a stand"..." being an example to others " and " standing on principles "
depend on the price it will cost them ? Yes , I truly only recognize it because I've failed myself.
If the price costs us personal success in the eyes of others, it mostly doesn't happen.
But...sometimes it does.

In 1947, David Preston was an ex World War 2 paratrooper who was running long-distance for the
University of Toronto. He was told through his many successes and laurels on a National level that he would be on the Olympic team representing Canada to the world in the 1948 summer Olympics, but something was bothering him.
He knew that there was corruption in the coaching ranks of his team. When the National trials came up, David ran against the best runner, won the race and, walked off the track . He didn't go to the Olympics because of the corruption he knew about and never looked back. The price was high, but the principles held.

David Preston was 76 when he died a couple of years ago. He used to watch me run by him as he went out for walks and he would tell me that I would ruin my knees for running if I continued to use that style. Of course I scoffed at this blunt , surly, older man with heart disease out for his walk. Two years after David died, a specialist told me that my knees were shot and that I shouldn't run anymore . Hats off to you David Preston . You were right about my kness , and more importantly, you were always a principled man who paid the price.

2007-01-11T00:38:00.000-08:00

Enough About " Liberty " and American Ideals...

I realise that this particular blog could cause a reaction that will insight suggestions to me of a litany of all the
things America has done for us ( win ww2 for Canada, etc. ).

For all of the revolutionary, democratic, zeal that the American government might suggest are their origins,
history tells us a different story. The power behind the American Revolution were
American merchants who were angry because the crown got in the way, through taxation, of the money they wanted to make in the new world. Hence the Boston Tea party and their funding of the revolutionary (it's our money not yours ) army.
It is truly an economic revolution of the money aristocracy of America against the royal aristocracy of crazy King George.
At that time, as well as today, political messages were given to common folk to set up a false rationale about why the revolution needed to take place. ( Oppression by the King, loss of basic freedoms, the British Yoke , etc. ) Wait, does this tact sound familiar ? How about... Terrorism is based in Iraq, therefore the American Military must enter therein. The real reason ?
Haliburton, Oil, American military suppliers, Dick Cheney. He is no better or worse than the original " patriots" He is simply looking for the freedom to make a buck as he pleases... the inalienable right ? Freedom...hmmm. Great Britain outlaws slavery 100 years before the United States. The Alamo was a last stand by wealthy slave owners against an abolitionist state: Mexico.Yet these are the Heroes of America. No Sweat about the money thing , just be honest about what you are and where it all came from.

2006-12-27T07:53:00.000-08:00

Being a Kid...
What did it mean to be a kid back in the 60's ? Moving up to an oil furnace . Driving around town in my Dad's brand new 63 galaxie 500 . Meeting with the old guy down the street for milk and cookies in his kitchen by myself: My parents never met him and that was O.K. Taking two different busses in Ottawa to piano lessons with my 8 year sister when I was six years old. Seemingly some kid in many neighborhoods wearing leg braces: Polio... The sweet sounds of early Motown on the radio
late at night when I was supposed to be sleeping. Forever playing with other kids all day long somewhere out there with no adults in sight until suppertime. We made our own rules of co-existence, organised our own games and used long forgotten terminology and phrases such as " fair fighting " or " Johnny and Mary ( any names will suffice ) sittin in a tree, k.i.s.s.i.n.g.
first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage..." A time when children ran free, watched one black and white channel on T.V. ( if you had one ) No porno videos, no Howard Stern, just that tough kid down the block who swore, not to communicate so much as a badge of his status. It was a time of innocence that is lost ...and no...it cannot be recreated. The poster says now " It takes a Communiy to Raise a Child " . Back when I was a kid, the poster would have been pointless, everyone just lived that way.

2006-12-17T15:37:00.000-08:00

The Bug...

There are things your kids might not forgive you for, but I hope this isn't one of them.
The nickname given to Meredith as a baby was " The Bug ". At many points when she was a baby, we stopped calling her
Meredith and simply said things like, " whoops we can't leave yet, I forgot to put the bug in the car.
Life is a series of transitions. First it was my kids going to school for the first time. Kindergarten:
out of my sight , with someone else during the day. Then adolescence, camps: gone for a week.
basketball tournaments in another city overnight in the states. Now my daughter in Europe who has returned.
I love her dearly, I miss her when she is not here and I love spending time with her. I can see... me ,... her mom,
the Irish and the Scot come out in her at different times and I celebrate all of those things ( yes, the scottish bits too )
I am so proud of Meredith ( bug ) and the new relationship that we are building.
But...I now know that there is new adulthood about her that creates a new sense of ownership in her own life.
It is a new sense of separation that makes us strangely closer in a different way now. She is the pathfinder, the "trailblazer"
if you will, for the other children I have. They too will experience this even if they return and live close to me or with
me during their college years. Then I will have a transition because of the so much and so many years that have been poured into them at close proximity. I will look over my shoulder and see that they are gone...No they haven't left the love of their father and they are very loyal in all of this, but their lives are so much more theirs and so yes...they are gone.
THAT will be a much more challenging time of transition for me than raising them ever was.

2006-11-10T20:40:00.000-08:00

Canada...
It's like a big labrador Retriever
It's getting warm with family in a cozy kitchen when it's cold outside,
It's a pick up hockey game in Kitchener, Moose jaw, Trail or Rimouski,
It's middle-aged parents all over this country driving kids to schools that are the envy of many nations,
It's tired Canadian troops standing at the top of Vimy Ridge taken in one day in 1917,
When no one else could take it in two years,
It's Canadian troops fighting today against an enemy that says their government would
burn, torture and rape women who are not fully covered or obey their every whim.
Those troops, wondering, perhaps in time, if their sacrifice for us will be forgotten...

2006-09-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

Everyone Matters...

Sometimes things get broken and they don't get fixed...I was talking to a buddy of mine who was tuning up an old car.
It was good to see because it meant that once tuned, that old car would be smoother running, less trouble, and more reliable. But my friend also knew as he looked at the car that at some point, no tune-up in the world will make it run.
New oil, tires,and parts would not make any difference. It would be time to accept the way things are and move on. This is not defeat. It is acceptance and a time for new hope. There are things in my life that are broken. They will not be " fixed ". That's O.K....How often do I agonise over things and waste emotional energy on relationship issues that were not and will not be resolved in somebody elses " ideal " format.
No, we must never stop loving and supporting others. Conversely, we can't twist ourselves into: "It has to be this way"...It would be easy, convenient, and seemingly appropriate to leave some people on the shelf. But, that won't happen because everyone matters.
I remember stopping my car on the bridge when I saw a man who was going to jump into the river. He was on the river side of the rails and he was just barely hanging on, talking to the world at large. I stopped my car, got out and began to engage him. He got talking to me and said " You have never wanted to take your life , you should just F__k off and let me die". I began to yell at him as I drew closer ( I had dialed 911 by this point and the Police were on their way ) I yelled back to him " F__k you ! I went through a time of planning the event for myself, but I'm still here.There is always a way to wade through this Bull s__t like the rest of us! " After talking and yelling at him, the police drew closer and we rushed him in time to pull him back up over the rail and onto his belly. But , the world is cruel. As I stood talking to him before the police arrived, people slowed their cars down and yelled at me to get off the road and out of their way . Others things were yelled by passersby as well that make me shudder as I write this blog. I arrived home afterwards and collapsed inside the door in tears as I said to my daughter " what is wrong with so many people ? " Apparently, I was told afterwards that I kept saying over and over " everyone matters "

I realised soon after I de-briefed about what had taken place on the bridge that I had first heard " everyone matters " from my mother while I was growing up. She had grown up in a poor family and a rundown neighborhood in Northern Ireland and had much to be angry about.
Despite her poverty, her father's unemployment, his early death and her mother's comments to her in her teenage years such as " you will never be as pretty as I am ", she later stopped me in the time of my youthful rejection of another child
and said: " You must not turn your back on that little boy, Jesus loves him just like he loves you... everyone matters ".
I scoffed at those epithets in later years as a proud young man, but I know now that nothing in this world has ever held more truth in my life than those words....Yes, many suicides are successful, relationships get broken and will not be and cannot be fixed in the way we would like. Despite her passing, the words of that old Irish woman were never more needed in this world than they are today:... " everyone matters "

2006-07-30T22:28:00.000-07:00

"Can you tell me who Jesus Christ was?"

Well then, I will tell you. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne and I myself have founded great empires; but upon what did these creations of our genius depend? Upon force. Jesus alone founded His empire upon love, and to this very day millions will die for Him. . . . I think I understand something of human nature; and I tell you, all these were men, and I am a man; none else is like Him: Jesus Christ was more than a man. . . . I have inspired multitudes with such an enthusiastic devotion that they would have died for me . . . but to do this it was necessary that I should be visibly present with the electric influence of my looks, my words, of my voice. When I saw men and spoke to them, I lightened up the flame of self-devotion in their hearts. . . . Christ alone has succeeded in so raising the mind of man toward the unseen, that it becomes insensible to the barriers of time and space. Across a chasm of eighteen hundred years, Jesus Christ makes a demand which is beyond all others difficult to satisfy; He asks for that which a philosopher may often seek in vain at the hands of his friends, or a father of his children, or a bride of her spouse, or a man of his brother. He asks for the human heart; He will have it entirely to Himself. He demands it unconditionally; and forthwith His demand is granted. Wonderful! In defiance of time and space, the soul of man, with all its powers and faculties, becomes an annexation to the empire of Christ. All who sincerely believe in Him, experience that remarkable, supernatural love toward Him. This phenomenon is unaccountable; it is altogether beyond the scope of man's creative powers. Time, the great destroyer, is powerless to extinguish this sacred flame; time can neither exhaust its strength nor put a limit to its range. This is it, which strikes me most; I have often thought of it. This it is which proves to me quite convincingly the Divinity of Jesus Christ.

Napoleon Bonaparte

2006-07-29T23:19:00.000-07:00

I Miss My Sunset...

Do you ever get so busy and caught up in the day to day that you realize at the end of a day how much you miss the things, places, and people that give you life and spiritual strength ? When I take in my Sunset in all of it's glory I realize what really matters . Gaps of time between those moments become a time in the desert between each oasis of love and life. Yes , I know everyone is doing important things that need to be done and are life-giving in and of themselves....but as the desert of time lengthens, my heart aches and I survey the kingdom of self worth . Weird huh ? We all want everything to be found in ourselves at times: Strength, sensitivity, patience, self worth, trust....but I still find that the longer I spend in the desert,
the more I battle the dragons of fear, anxiety and tattered belief in ones-self. The up side of all this is that one glimpse at the Sunset, changes the strength and fuel for my heart and I am again ready to tackle the world and all of it's Dragons... I know now as I never knew before that we all need someone to believe in us, even if they know us...

2006-05-29T19:40:00.000-07:00

" Let My Country Awake"

" Where the mind is without fear and the head held high;
Where the knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up
into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost it's way
into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into
ever widening thought and action;
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father,
Let my country awake."

Rabindranath Tagore

2006-05-28T11:50:00.000-07:00

The Two Sons...

Long ago there was a village with two sons . They were young men from different families, but they came from the same village.

They were both musical and they both knew how to speak to a crowd in the village about the important things in life. In time, many in the village spoke highly of both men . These young men were also very different for each other. One of them was very careful to thank and please those who were in positions of power and influence. he watched and waited to acknowledge those who could impact his life.

The other young man was passionate, headstrong, and did not take the time to nurture influence or even thank people when it would have been wise. He viewed the need for the political ways of village life as dishonest and unnecessary. It was a mistake he would pay for.

In time there was a conflict between these two men. The political skills of one of the one young man gave him a way to turn the minds and hearts of the villagers . He was not an evil young man, it was just the way that he knew. But, the hearts of some of the villagers of influence were dark and they began to condemn the passionate young man. Stories began to emerge about the passionate young man which were not true, but they had a momentum all of their own because of the hearts of some villagers.

The mayor of the village knew that something must be done . He gathered all of the wise men and women of the village together and questioned the passionate young man about his crimes . The passionate young man protested and remained transparent, but sadly lacked the political skill or influence to weather the onslaught of stories and vitriol from the angry villagers.

The group of villagers of influence told the passionate young man that they had little choice but to condemn him because the stories and accounts were too powerful . The passionate young man did not await sentence, but left the village, sad and anguished about the relationships that were lost.

After much time had passed, the King rode through the village and asked where the passionate young man had gone. The villagers told the King that the passionate young man was a fallen man and was not worth recovering, so He should forget about him and enjoy the village. The King looked suddenly very sad and said, "Don't you understand, all of you are fallen , but I forgave your debts to me and I continued to give you the love and generosity of my kingdom."

With that, the King shook his head and rode out of the village, expressing love for everyone there and a sense of sadness for the fears and anger of some villagers concerning the passionate young man...

2006-05-08T16:07:00.000-07:00

Our Deepest Fear...

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous ?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people will not feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence liberates others.

- Nelson Mandela
Inaugural speech, 1994

2006-04-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

" Our Rules "

What will we do ? What do we do when we are angry about our lives and find someone who has broken some of "our rules" ? Will we find them wanting instead of ourselves ? I know I did. Would it be easier if they just went away and we never had to deal with them again so that we can remain comfortable ? Yes. They blew it. Their life circumstances don't matter, they just broke "our rules" . What will we do if they get it right,re-shuffle their lives,show up with that eternal circle of gold all over again? They are doing what we want them to...now what should we do with them ? Simple. As always we will change "our rules".

2006-04-02T12:47:00.000-07:00

The Irish Heart

The Irish woman smiled as
She called for her child
With her outstretched hands
She said with her touch
I will teach you to give
She said with her words
You must believe in yourself...

Then they took her away
from the little girl
and her Irish heart ached
and the light grew dim.
The new one called mother
could not love the child so,
but beat her and chided
and tattered her soul.
she said with her eyes
The world is cruel and
you must be as well,
But the Heart of the child had been fashioned before
by a love that was stronger
than all cruelty to come.

In time she grew stronger
and was loved and gave love.
From her came her own little girl...
She called for her child
with her outstretched hands
She said with her touch
I will teach you to give
She said with her words
You must believe in yourself
But no one would dare take her away...

And yet, what of the Irish woman ?
Her place where she lies is unnamed
and unmarked, but because of her
Heart that is found in those daughters,
she is honoured and loved by a God
that those black hooded bandits never knew...

2006-03-22T20:50:00.000-08:00

More Mikhail...

( the following leads me to ask what am I doing with the circles of people and power God has given me ? )

A portion of Mikhail Gorbachev’s amazing speech to break -up the Soviet Union spoken before, and in the face of the old guard basically telling them that the freedom of his own and East European communist dictatorships is inevitable...

The compelling necessity of the principle of freedom of choice is also clear to us. The failure to recognize this, to recognize it, is fraught with very dire consequences, consequences for world peace. Denying that right to the peoples, no matter what the pretext, no matter what the words are used to conceal it, means infringing upon even the unstable balance that is, has been possible to achieve.

Freedom of choice is a universal principle to which there should be no exceptions. We have not come to the conclusion of the immutability of this principle simply through good motives. We have been led to it through impartial analysis of the objective processes of our time. The increasing varieties of social development in different countries are becoming in ever more perceptible feature of these processes. This relates to both the capitalist and socialist systems. The variety of sociopolitical structures which has grown over the last decades from national liberation movements also demonstrates this. This objective fact presupposes respect for other people's vies and stands, tolerance, a preparedness to see phenomena that are different as not necessarily bad or hostile, and an ability to learn to live side by side while remaining different and not agreeing with one another on every issue.

“ Jesus was the first socialist, the first to seek a better life for mankind. “
Mikhail Gorbachev

2006-03-20T21:10:00.000-08:00

Hero...

Who are your heroes ? Whoever they are , they might tell you something about how we see the world and what a hero really is. Some people see a list of heroes as Abraham Lincoln , Terry Fox , Winston Churchill...all people who fit the western mold. They are comfortable names to throw around in a crowd or at any gathering. Here's a hero that all Christians need to revere:
Mikhail Gorbachev...an avowed Communist...At one time head of the Soviet Union; A country that had imprisoned, tortured , and executed millions of believers since it's inception in 1917 and had stated in it's very constitutional adendum that it would be an atheistic state for all of it's formative existence. This man willfully dismantled his own empire and personal power for the cause of freedom to gather, experience national and ethnic self-determination and finally to free millions of people to worship and believe freely in a God his own state had said does not exist. What was his motivation ? How did he see the Jesus we worship ?

"Only Jesus Christ could take a few loaves of bread and feed the thousands ... Only Jesus Christ could solve problems such as these."

- Mikhail Gorbachev

On describing the problems posed to him with the breakup of the 15 republics of the Soviet Union.

2006-03-17T08:40:00.000-08:00

As St. Patrick's Day comes to an end let us take some time to reflect: Being Irish means.......

* you will never play professional basketball

* you swear very well

* at least one of your cousins holds political office

* you think you sing very well

* you have no idea how to make a long story short

* you are very good at playing a lot of very bad golf

* there isn't a huge difference between losing your temper and killing someone

* much of your food was boiled

* you spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling

* you're strangely poetic after a few beers

* you're poetic a lot

* you will be punched for no good reason...a lot

* some punches directed at you are legacies from past generations

* your sister will punch you because your brother punched her

* many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary...and one is Mary Catherine Elizabeth

* someone in your family is incredibly cheap

* it is more than likely you

* you don't know the words but that doesn't stop you from singing

* you can't wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking

* "Irish Stew" is the euphemism for "boiled leftovers from the fridge"

* you're not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency

* there wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last kegger party

* you are, or know someone, named "Murph"

* if you don't know Murph, then you know "Mac"

* if you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know "Sully"

* you'll probably also know Sully McMurphy

* your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room

and last but not least... Being Irish means...

* your attention span is so short that---oh, forget it.

From the book
Being Irish...
Contemplations on the Nature and Meaning of the Irish Race
Joe Keefe, Author
Andrews McMeel Universal Copyright 2001

2006-03-15T21:29:00.000-08:00

Hope for all...not just some.

My family has seen many people come through our home this week. I have two distinct groups of friends who are getting married soon and I will celebrate both occasions in my heart as a time of hope for all involved . There are those who would suggest that one must be celebrated and encouraged, but not the other ...or the reverse favour of one couple is suggested by others still. Playing God is tiresome , tainted with my sin, and it doesn't work anyway. Conversely, ...to those who do decide to play the part of the Alpha and Omega " go for it " and in the meantime those four people will do the very best they can to serve God with their lives , it's baggage, and it's joys just like the rest of us...

2006-03-11T11:56:00.000-08:00

Dignity...

" When people begin to ignore human dignity, it will not be long before they begin to ignore human rights." G K Chesterton

In this fast food, " give it to me now " culture we have lost, at times , the dignity that surrounds us. But, you can find it if you slow down . I have seen it in the tired eyes of older Punjabi men who greet me with a slight bow as I walk down 7th avenue
in Mission. It can be traced to the slight smile a mother gives her child when she has just finished straightening up the clothes of her offspring before they enter a store. It is seen in the faces of people quietly queued up for days for desperate medical care in the third world as we fume when our doctor's appointment makes us wait for 20 minutes. Finally , I see it in the eyes of an old student who returns to say thank you for an interaction or session we had that unbeknownst to me was an
important moment for them. Their return and that thank you is of much greater worth and dignity than the thing for which they have thanked me. Aristotle said that " Dignity does not consist in possessing honours, but in deserving them. "
This is for all those people out there who would never claim dignity, but in large measure have often lived it...

2006-03-06T22:44:00.000-08:00

Flights of Forgiveness on a Holding Pattern...

We all look ahead so much. But what is in front of us right now ?
Ours lives are forever on hold for the " better days " because there are stressors that tear at our hearts.
The job, the family issues, health , friends, enemies (?),and the places where we live. Somehow in all of this we must still
live in a way that will celebrate our lives under God's Grace. No, wait, I must live in a way to celebrate my life under God's Grace. I recognise and I declare that the beauty of seeing the vibrant sunset of my life in the last 6 years has inspired me
to survive and prosper. Without that insight, I cannot carry on. I wasn't always willing to admit this. I pretended it was me,
or some great epiphany of my own. Not so, never was. God has purpose for all things and events...not so much from the events, but from our God who uses events in my life. The latest truth I have found is that even a sunset is a fragile thing, just like you and I. So...it needs observance , time , and space to grow in colour and beauty. To look at it once and say you know it, or have it figured out is wrong. With patience you watch the colours change and you begin to understand you are being permitted into a secret world . In the midst of this world, you can become part of the God event itself. In fact you always were. The warmth that the sunset wraps around me tells me that time is not an enemy, but a friend. I am loved. You are loved. We can all be loved. I have to stop creating a bigger and bigger box for God and just admit that he is not contained in my meaning, but only through his word that shows him to be as endless as his love. Not to worry, yes we will be more at peace in our hearts as time moves on . But hopefully we become more at peace, not because of apathy, but because we live and know more and more about how God loves and forgives others when we have said we can't...

2006-03-01T22:29:00.000-08:00

I don't think I wanna Be A Christian if...

I don't think I wanna be a christian,
If we support the fact of war.
I don't think I wanna be a christian,
If we forget about the poor man.
I don't think I wanna be a christian,
If no gay people are allowed.
I don't think I wanna be a christian,
If we all pack guns.
I don't think I wanna be a christian,
If all we do is gossip.
I don't think I wanna me a christian,
If people are constantly condemned.
I don't think I wanna be a christian,
If I have to go to a boring church.
I don't know about being a christian,
I just want to be like Jesus.

by Jill G.

2006-02-22T21:36:00.000-08:00

Double Team

I know an athlete who over the years has been and will continue to play against two teams everytime they step on the floor.
First the team they face... Looking to take the ball away from that athlete, looking to score against them, looking to better them at every turn. This is true of all athletes and your best friend is motivation, desire, and positive feelings about yourself.
But what if you live in a world where your brain lies to you every day. It tells you that you " will not make it " " You should give up " and tells you at some point, despite all attempts to alter brain chemistry, " there is no hope "..." there is no point in playing " . I have spoken with this athlete and asked what they do when this happens. Their answer is to plead with the God that made them...for Him to show you that there is motivation from somewhere else to carry on. Imagine what it is like when fans don't understand the flagging motivation, your coach sees it as selfishness, and the athlete in question sees it all as a personal failure...and yet...at times I am amazed: This young athlete gets angry, demands playing time, and at times triumphs over both teams they face at the same time. This athlete calls the clinical depression that has dogged her since adolescence kicked in: the " Dragons " . Sometimes the athlete has told me " the dragons have got me by the arse and they wont let go " and I tell her that her Irish Grandmother long ago struggled with the same lies that told her to " take her own life " or that there is " no hope" and yet they both found the God that long ago, and today , who says " when there is no hope left I will be your hope, I will chase the Dragons away for a time..."

2006-02-12T23:38:00.000-08:00

Turnaround and Look Back...

There is no denying it...50...50...50...50...I am turning...well I think you get it. And yet, I feel gooooooood. I am just getting started. Yeah, life has been good before this birthday. I say to people " hey it's been 50 years of fun and frolic " But, no, it hasn't always been... I have had men in balaclavas point AK47's at my head during one of my trips to Ireland, I have had my jaw broken in Gastown when I was 19, I have been rushed to the hospital when I had meningitis.My left shoulder has been dislocated three times. I have been shot at by drunk hunters. I have been attacked by a man with a knife in a travel trailer and witnessed the aftermath of a hanging. I have experienced the decision to take my own life at one point... My guess is that if you talk to any man over 50, he has some stories...Yes, some good, very good memories as well. I remember talking with Pierre Trudeau and shaking his hand, I have seen the Hollies, beach boys, stones, and many other bands in their prime.I have been to every province in this country before I turned 17. I have lived as a child in this nation when children truly ran free. In those long summers we would leave the house at 8:30 am at the age of 6 to 12 and come back only for meals. I have watched people being born and I have seen people pass away before me: violently and peacefully. In all of this, the Jesus who has always been there, whether I sought him or not, seems to be so much more than I ever thought possible. I always smile inside when people ask me " where was God? " during some disaster or horrible crime or war. He was... and is always...there to pick up the pieces from our inhumanity to each other. I have in no way become cynical about God. I still retain a sense of romance about the possibilities life holds. I owe all of this to the God that made me and the way he has worked through so many others. Will there be other difficulties and downturns in the rest of my life ? Definitely...but Jesus will be there even when my heart is overwhelmed and I don't believe he is closeby. How do I know this ? Because across 50 years of life, I see him so clearly when I take the time to turnaround and look back...

2006-02-12T01:06:00.000-08:00

Driving Miss ( Mr.) Daisy...

I was driving back to Mission from the mall in abbotsford today . It was around 6pm so it was already dark. Highway 11 is of course 4 lane now and a concrete median separates the north/south traffic. Imagine my surprise when I saw a set of headlights coming towards me ! Apparently an older gentleman had turned off of a side road and he was moving slowly in the wrong direction. I pulled over rightaway to see if I could help him get turned around . Fortunately everyone else had slowed down and some other people had already directed him around and back onto a side road. I was pleased that no one in this case was blindly racing down the road or too pissed off to notice that there was a very old man who was confused and in immediate danger. I was glad that we weren't too caught up in our own life dramas and problems to stop and protect someone's father/grandfather . It reminded me of something I read in one of Scott William's blogs not so long ago... " our troubles seem so large until we realize that so many others suffer in ways we cannot imagine. we are spoiled and coddled and selfish. we whine about what we do not have, instead of what we do. we wonder why our spiritual lives never seem 'victorious' yet we are unwilling and wholely unprepared to let ourselves live. reminds me of the quote once again from the 'Shawshank Redemption'. time to 'get on with living or get on with dying.'..."
I'm back on the New Heights blog. Thank you Susan. The way it happened dosn't matter. What's really important ?
I mean , I could be 35 years older driving down highway 11 the wrong way. But then, in so many ways God is helping me
get back on the road everyday so that I can " drive" and " move" in the right direction...

2006-02-09T19:56:00.001-08:00

The Wind Blows...

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.

George Bernard Shaw
Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 - 1950)

Congregational Exclusivity is your conviction that your church is superior to all others because it's the only one you ever attend.

Mark Greenshields
Recently rejected blogger

At times, there are two ways to deal with people. Aesop's fable about the wind and the sun competing to get a traveler to remove his coat while walking down the road
is wonderfully clear. The wind of course blows harder and harder to blow the man's coat and perhaps the man as well off of the road. but alas the man holds on tighter still because of course he is under attack; first the hide that covers him and eventually the man himself. Perhaps he deserves this judgement...hmmmmm...who is deciding ? The sun on the other hand shines warmly, makes the man feel better about himself, perhaps even warm, cared for,and with no obligation but to become more
at peace with the world around him. As with our recent weather, where did the sun go ?
So why not quote scripture when speaking of such perceived injustice ? Simple. Too often I see scripture quoted and thrown back and forth like snow balls from petulant boys in a school yard. Holy Scripture was never intended to protect my ego or anyone elses. Mores the pity in all of this, because there is always somehwere else to blog...just not where I started.

2006-02-01T18:36:00.000-08:00

2006-01-22T20:15:00.000-08:00

The Entitled...

He moves in a room with just a sense of himself
The world must turn on the pivot of his just rewards
There is payment due from me and from you
We owe him so much in the eyes of his heart...
your time, your space, the very fruit of your loins.
His foundation is fear, doubt, mistrust, and permissive beginnings .
He is not dangerous because he is strong,
but because he is weak.

2006-01-14T10:57:00.000-08:00

Your Birthdate: February 15

You take life as it is, and you find happiness in a variety of things.
You tend to be close to family and friends. But it's hard to get into your inner circle.
Making the little things wonderful is important to you, and you probably have an inviting home.
You seek harmony with others, but occasionally you have a very stubborn streak.

Your strength: Your intense optimism

Your weakness: You shy away from exploring your talents

Your power color: Jade

Your power symbol: Flower

Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

2006-01-10T22:57:00.000-08:00

The Adult Friend No More...
I know about a 6 year old who waves to his mother, heads down the street out of sight around the corner and visits an older gentleman at his house. His mother knows who the man is, but has never had a conversation with him. The little boy visits this unknown man about 2 or 3 times a week. Why ? Is there a dark secret here ? Irresponsible parenting ? No. The little boy and the old man visit because they are friends. The little boy admires the older man. The older man lives alone and loves the company and questions of the six year old. Oh yes, one important detail. It is July, 1962. Those of you who are over 40 years of age understand what I'm talking about, because it was you. It was a time that is gone and will never return. A small child building a relationship with an adult . No interference from parents. No 24/7 surveillance by adult family or
" trained supervisors " who interfere with almost every conflict between children because of what " might happen".
It was a time of children building their own system of rules, games, and relationships. But wait, you say, there was tremendous cruelty amongst children. Our society needed to add the guidance of parents or other adult educators for children all of the time so that they could be instructed about better relationships along the way... Yeah right, and the trust, confidence, and level of conflict amongst children of all ages has improved so much. What have we stolen from our children ? The social contract we had is gone. We have so much to account for...

2006-01-08T22:22:00.000-08:00

Choices...

People who are hurt by others are left with two choices initially. The first one is revenge.The second one is understanding. Revenge is as much an act of the heart as the body. It is easy to nurture it and feed it inside without translating it into physical action. In this way it would eventually destroy us all. Ironically, to choose understanding instead can mean that action is taken more often than revenge. True understanding results in us trying to see others as God does; imperfect, hurting themselves, looking for love and loyalty. This sense of understanding allows us to hope for, love, and appreciate the simple things again...the laughter of children, the scent of spring on a cool evening in April, and the beauty of a never-ending Sunset. As Morgan Freeman's character said in the film "The Shawshank Redemption": " Hope is not just a good thing, it is the best thing."

2006-01-01T13:26:00.000-08:00

2006... There is always Hope

Humanity is amazing...cancer, murder, abuse of children&women, starvation, cruelty for the sake of itself...yet in the midst of these we... hope. It begins with the 1 year old when they hammer their heads on the coffee table but continuously get up and walk only to do it again. It begins with a family who has lost a child, but continues on with some cause in the memory of that child. It is a woman or man who has suffered sexual abuse as a child, but gets up every morning and says: " I will not go away, my scars hurt everyday, but my life is going to mean something. " It is marriages that have ended; but the people involved who try to nurture their children even more, so that their young hearts will continue to grow and thrive. It is the stranger, who suddenly forgets his or her own safety to save a trapped motorist in a fire or a water-filled ditch...this is hope.
This is the tangible proof of God's existence in his own creation. The inexplicable hope of the human heart, when logic says there is none.
I remember my father recounting with me about his darkest moments in Burma during WW2 when he was hiding from the Japanese, his body wracked with malaria, crapping out more blood than anything else in the foxhole where he cowered. He simply told me that " I felt a great weight of evil, sickness, and oppression in that place...but never forget son, There is always hope "
I have decided to be hopeful about 2006, not to hide from trials that may come, but to hope in the midst of them.

2005-12-29T09:54:00.000-08:00

Sunsets...
Some people speak of the rising sun in the morning as their inspiration. For me it is my sunset.
Somehow the sunset wraps it's hues of reds, yellows and charcoals around me and speaks of a never-ending love.
That love is both human and spiritual.
As a child, before I understood what all the religious babble was, I knew in my heart that there was a hope in me for
love that would look different somehow as I grew older; spiritual, yet human as well . This was not perfect in it's actions and effort, but truly perfect in it's core. Regardless of who you loved, admired, feared, rescued, or never knew, we can all experience a common sunset. If today has been difficult, It is at times a portent of a better day. It is the promise of a God
who resembles a patient , loving parent: " If you are finished beating yourself up, you can come here now and let me hold you so that you know how much I love you..."
Yes, I love my sunset: she is wild in her colours and expression, but she is constant, abiding, and the expression of those colours and love for me is never-ending.

2005-12-27T10:49:00.000-08:00

Acceptance...
I have been a counsellor for over 20 years. Yet I continually discover ( when I can stand back far enough) new issues of discrimination in my eyes. No, not race,
ethnic, or gender prejudice. Those are the ones that a given portion of the population self-check in our thoughts, dialogue, behaviour, and hearts. This involves dealing not with people who have been hurt or damaged in relationships, but their behaviour in reaction to that damage or hurt. The first thing I do is much like others I have spoken to about this; I react to their behaviour without context. On further inspection, ( both sides of the damaged relationship ) they are God's creation in tremendous pain and their minds, bodies, and hearts are finely tuned to a need for new comfort, solace, peace of mind, and ...yes, love.
My mistake is that, at times, I only give one side of those damaged relationships the latitude to find new love. That's wrong. They don't leave God behind. They talk to him all the time. The very behaviour we condemn in them touches on some kind of boundries we have for ourselves. But, my sense of mercy, and acceptance of them should require that their life events and context are pivotal to their behaviour. The failing in onlookers is that we are so sure we would react differently. Wrong again. Yes, in my experience the behaviour varies, but in simple terms, all of the damaged move beyond their current life boundries because they don't work and the pain is too much. Finally, in most cases, those who have been damaged eventually move back to a spiritual center of gravity in their lives and hearts. Their circumstances have changed, but they are then ready to forgive. In my heart I need to give them the space and time in their lives to do that...

2005-12-08T23:05:00.000-08:00

I can almost hear the Sun set...

The difficulties and roadblocks that stand in the way of dreams only make their realization sweeter.
I am learning to listen. Yeah, I'm a counsellor and it is easy to listen to a stranger, but it's harder to listen to those you know and love best. At times I try too hard to anticipate the next thought, feeling of those I know best...as a foolhardy gesture to try and be there for them. No, they want to be given the distance and respect that the "stranger" receives. Finally, when it is given: true attentiveness, listening, it can be an act of love in and of itself. My doctor told me today after looking at my knee X-rays that my joints are beat up, worn out from close to 50 years of over zealous abuse and that ...I must not do anymore competitive running. Ouch! that hurt more than my knees ever did. I have a high pain threshold. Translation: I didn't listen to my own body. Once again listening is important. I will always be a "fixer". That is someone who tries to fix things for other people. But I learn, as I go, that sometimes the best fix for others and ourselves is just to stop and ...listen

2005-12-06T20:42:00.000-08:00

Keeping It Simple...

The beauty of Christmas is that you can always find a "fit" for who you are and what strikes your heart the right way.
For some it's the actual love of shopping (?) For others it's hearing the laughter of kids playing in the snow on a crisp clear day before Christmas or for others still, it's the plethora of Christmas programs and pageants where quality is of little or no consequence, but the genuine spirit and the lack of competence of each child's performance is celebrated.
To me it all comes down to celebrating each other. Life is short . In Eriq Maria Remarque's classic war story, "All Quiet On the Western Front ", the German soldier Paul talks about his discovery of what is most important in life. He speaks of being raised in a time when they were told they were living and fighting for God, Germany, and the Kaiser ( substitute whatever current cause is out there ). In the end he speaks of fighting only for the men around him . In the end his observation was that the rosary , the ecclesiastical collar and national religion meant little or nothing in the throes of death, but the cry for a simple God as the creator of ourselves and the people closest to us in life . There is alot of clutter and crap out there for Christmas. During this season, I am going to try every now and again to slow down and pick up on the simplest things about the people closest to me if I can . That way, as this journey continues, I can remember them and celebrate that we are walking through this time together ...flaws and all.

2005-12-04T10:45:00.000-08:00

Christmas and the Inevitability of Joy...

I need to make a decision about Christmas. I always find that every year it is a time of decision for me. 1998 was the worst Christmas I ever had...but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Once you have danced with your demons in the depths of that despair, JOY is much more welcome than it ever could have been before. I have friends who are reclaiming their houses as places of JOY . Witnessing that kind of transition is encouraging unto itself...but there is something more powerful at work here. It is a question of relaxing our hearts and souls to let the changes come. We don't put Jesus on a shelf, do our life thing, and then invite him back in. He's been in it the whole time. Yeah, I mess up, but he comes back to me and says " You do all kinds of things, make all manner of plans and wait for some sign of rejection, " But I will not push you away, I love you, and I believe in you...even when you don't love you "... 1999 was one of best Christmas holidays I ever had. I had rediscovered JOY . A friend began to show me that there was so much more than just the love of our family to keep us here. It was a truth I had lost from a long time ago. Since that time, the Joy I have discovered has been assailed by many obstacles: human, physical, spiritual, and circumstantial. Despite this, it seems to have taken on a life of it's own. I call it the inevitability of Joy. It shows up in the moments following tears , a " Kodak moment " frozen; where your children are laughing, or the embrace from a loved one that says " We are just beginning to understand what love looks like " This year I have decided to allow Jesus to speak to me at Christmas. If he knows and sees our lives unfold in his midst, then I will thank Him for this new love and Joy he has brought me...Despite some moments of despair...That Joy is inevitable

2005-11-15T20:30:00.000-08:00

The Chameleon...part 3

His first weapon is zeal. Zeal is unassailable. It makes all of us examine ourselves without examining the author.
For the chameleon, forgiveness is a cliche. it must be dramatic and forward-looking. The process of forgiveness for the chameleon is very short, but the freedom to re-experience the continuous romance with the elation/brokeness of sin is lifelong. Guard yourselves. This singular human movement is appealing and asks to be rescued and followed at the same time...

2005-11-12T18:15:00.000-08:00

Rememberance Day : One Story...

He volunteered to fight in 1939. As a young Christian, the idea of being involved in combat sat a little lighter on his shoulders when he began to believe the stories about what the Facists in Japan and Germany wanted to do to those deemed unfit and unworthy to live: Jews, Chinese, Parapalegics, the mentally ill, and any and all who stood up to the oppression that was sweeping across much of Europe and Asia like wildfire. The world was literally going to Hell for a generation of young people who knew there was no other way to respond. He was sent to Burma and India for four years of combat. this was not Vietnam. There was no chopper to carry you back to base. The enemy was more numerous and better equipped. He once said " we canoed into the jungle and two years later we canoed out. " He caught dysentry, malaria, and a host of other parasites.
He said that everything in the jungle wanted to crawl up your backside and turn you into a meal... Today, we eat, we entertain, we live, and we love amidst a democracy that we hardly even notice. But we are all condemned to the worst kind of selfishness and ignorance if we can't give that generation one day or even one minute of one day every year to thank them for forfeiting their youth so that we could prosper, love, and worship freely . What happened to the young man ?
My father died at the age of 65 when I was 28 of complications from that war. He never knew my children or those of my younger brother, but when I look at those children , I whisper a prayer of thanks for that young man who volunteered to forfeit his youth for ours in 1939.

2005-11-06T21:45:00.000-08:00

The Chameleon...part 2

He seeks those in authority...people in positions of influence...grooming the naive.

2005-11-06T10:10:00.000-08:00

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant.
Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.
In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.

You are unique, creative, and expressive.
You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.
And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

2005-11-05T21:05:00.000-08:00

The Chameleon...

Who is the " chameleon " ? You will find him in the fringes of the temple. He can change his colours without consequence. He moves into lives and they welcome him. Seeing him as a victim of circumstance, he will follow up with brilliant form...but not substance. He should be accepted and loved... yes...but embraced ? Be careful. The lawyers of his heart and his tears are women with their secret eyes that betray wishes for him never to be revealed...Politics, Religion, Community...beware the chameleon.

Inspired by
S. Blake & O. Wilde

2005-10-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

He's Got Your Back...

In March 2002 a squad of American Paratroops had just landed by helicopter in front of an Al Quaeda stronghold in the mountains of Afghanistan. As his squad landed, the lead officer's heart filled with a sense of horror as he came to the stark realisation that it was a trap and his troops were about to become slaughtered. Fire rained down on them immediately from all sides of their landing zone. despite the gusto and determination of his troops on landing, he knew they were completely helpless... Just as suddenly, the Al Queada forces began dropping all around his squad. With no apparent noise or report from their own weapons the Americans began to see the enemy simply fall over on all sides. From an impossible distance of over 2 kilometres, a four man squad of Canadian snipers were dropping the enemy as they began attacking. Official reports suggest that over 20 Al Queda guerillas were killed by the Canadian Snipers before they withdrew back into their lairs. The American Military tried to give the Canadians medals for bravery for saving their lives, but they were refused. "We were simply doing our job", was the reply.
So often in my life I have asked God "why certain circumstances in my life were taking place?",
"Why does it feel as if their is no reason to hope?" " How can I escape being trapped on all sides?" Yet, in strange ways ( in retrospect ) God has got my back. He builds in new positive relationships. He covered me and I didn't even know it was taking place. Later in a time of thankfulness and even tears at times I speak to God with some sense of amazement and he tells me that " This is what I'm doing all of the time, Mark, I'm simply doing my job: I've got your back"

2005-10-14T23:34:00.000-07:00

Hope is close at hand...

I know someone who is in a difficult transition. This is a person who, like myself, sees the world as an opportunity for children, adults, almost anyone becoming rich ( in the truest sense ) for bringing a different viewpoint or story into a room. This person loves to entertain any social thought or idea that throws a wrench into the "North American monetary cultural rut" that tells us all how we should eat, dress, talk and, yes... think. This person is doomed like myself to forever vote NDP mostly. This is not because like myself, I have a grandfather who was a charter member of the CCF ( early NDP ). This individual sees the the socialists as the only political party that reveals a semblance of kindness to the least able. For this person that would be enough to start with...I have tremendous admiration and respect for the eyes and ears of this individual and how they see and hear the world. They are ears that listen closely to the ponderous stories of a small child as if the world should stop and recognize the importance of their 5 minute saga. They are eyes and ears that are willing to take a mental or physical tangent that has no connection to their most recent task just because of some spontaneous inspiration. This reflects the heart of a child...and ultimately the ability to maintain hope and faith in things unseen. And that is what will keep that person truly alive. As for me, I wil join that cause, because we must always ( as my father said ) believe that there is always hope, even when we can't feel it...

2005-10-11T20:27:00.000-07:00

My Friend ...
There is a man in Mission who is my friend. He loves volleyball. He has two great sons. He was there for me when my mind got lost and we found it again. I was part of that process in his life as well. He is my friend. What does that mean ? It means that he is my friend when he is at his best and when he is not. I would expect the same for me. It means that when his family is going through a tough time. I need to be there for him. I would expect the same for me. It means that when rumours are rampant about my friend I take him at his word. I would expect the same for me...Jesus showed me that I am always salvageable and have something to offer because of what He's done with where I've been. I would like to think all of us would allow the same grace and latitude for my friend...Do you ?

2005-09-22T00:37:00.000-07:00

I Will Never Live Until Someone Sees Me...

I will never live until someone sees me, the real me. If I hide who I am all of my life then I will be limited
to a solitary pain I could have escaped, if only I had revealed it's true contents to someone else. First Jesus, then someone
I trust...and then, in time, a new way to live in a freedom that has always been waiting for me ...Freedom is best as a state of my heart, not my country. The Irish playwright George Bernhard Shaw said, " Patriotism is your belief that your country is best because you were born in it " So true...

2005-09-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

Darkest before The dawn...

Yeah, when I was a kid my dad would look at me when I was down and say, " Hey , things are darkest before the dawn "
meaning that the sun does come up again after a difficult night. Sometimes that night is a series of nights, many of them. But the reality of his words are still true . I can think of some people who are wandering, worrying, waking up through these nights right now . But they too will know the warmth of a new dawn in their lives as well. It always seems that before the better phases of our lives, there are some tough things we have to do and go through...Then after those times, the beauty of the coming sunsets is a portent of nights that are then calm, nurturing, and finally... a refuge.

2005-09-07T19:36:00.000-07:00

Transitions

Everyone changes through time, circumstances, relationships and events. I have noticed that there is a tendancy to
lose touch with people ( when it's a choice ) because of the nature of the transition, not the people. I believe that's a mistake.
I know, because I've made it. People tend to have more to offer through changes they've experienced than a life lived in emotional seclusion. Of course all changes are not positive, but refusing to judge, keeping in touch, and in friendship simply indicates that you are there, and will be there for them regardless of their changes in life. I need to look around and make sure that I can still hear my own words when you are making some kind of transition in your life...

2005-09-05T20:36:00.000-07:00

AQUA

You enjoy life, humor, and being exuberant. Wherever you go you usually find yourself stealing the spotlight without even trying. You love to let go and have fun.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

2005-09-05T14:28:00.000-07:00

You are someone who will fight for lost or forgotten causes . The oppressed are more important to you than the impressed. You believe that no matter how long it takes, Hope and compassion will win out in the end.

2005-09-03T22:45:00.000-07:00

The Future...

" Your greatest truth from God this week could be found in the Springs Pub ." " You need to go for coffee with that gay guy you know." " Recently divorced people should be able to date other people and feel welcome in the chair beside you at church ..." My generation has a terrible cultural hangover that comes from too many evangelists in white shoes and cadillacs " God gave them " and so we feel a need to say and do ( what we think) are outrageous things. Many Gen. Y Christian kids I talk to would look at my first three statements and say " yeah, no big deal, so what's your point ? " The point is that I have noticed that there is a vested interest in other groups of people from my generation perpetuating an old "cultural christianity" that is being driven into many Christian kids today. ie. " Vote Conservative because it is the only Christian alternative. Non-drinking as a doctrinal obligation rather than a well thought-out choice. Private Christian schools as the "best" first choice for teenagers."... The amazing part of this generation of youth is that in the midst of their rebellion against this neo-conservative crew, they remain Christian in their world-view and personal faith.
In the end they will carry the day, not just because they are young, but because they have abandoned the " culture" but not their faith in Christ. My generation abandoned the whole package at times and then were returned to the fold. Yes we blazed some new trails in the Christian context as part of the rebellious youth of the 60's and 70's, but this new crew of youth has made the mighty halls of worship look very jaded. They are in your face, they refuse to accept Christian cultural cliches, and best of all they don't go away ( like we used to ) they stay and fight for the Jesus they accepted, not the one some others have dressed up far too much... As for me; I vote NDP, I love a cold beer on a hot day, and I enjoyed having coffee and discussion with a gay friend of mine last week...My kids read this and say, " Yeah ? so what, cut the fashion statement and find out where Jesus fits in all of it." ...I believe our future is in very good hands...

2005-08-30T19:04:00.000-07:00

God has a Plan,Plan,Plan...

God has a plan. It is absolutely finite and we truly make no decisions... NO...He has allowed me to make mistakes,take chances, get messy ...the cult of the Magic School Bus ?... Miss Frizzel is a prophet ? Not quite. As long as it may or may not be, my life, like yours, is short. As I continue to make decisions, God shows me he's there; not so much in terms of constant approval of my behavior, ( that's a critical error of human nature ) but continuously showing me another way to go down the road. yeah it's the same road. I now see it though as Him presenting His best way, but I don't always take it. Am I then lost ? No, as I dither about, he still says " even when your faith in me is weak, I believe in you " Why ?... Love... God's cement that holds humanity together. In the depths of the loneliest place in the world, someone: a friend, a father, a mother. is showing love undeserved. Yeah? So? And somewhere else someone is suffering an underserved evil fate. The amazing thing is that in the midst of those evil places, love still shows up. I have seen it in the miracle of adult faces that shine with dignity today, despite evils that they have witnessed and experienced as children. Many have asked at the time, where was God ? He was beginning the process of salvaging a life... No, not everyone makes it. People make irreversible decisions and their lives are gone, but God's love is pervasive. For reasons only God understands, he has surrounded me with his love when I saw horrors that weakened me to the marrow. The irony is that the events that stank of destruction and evil pushed me like a giant spring towards the very God I was ignoring and I was never so happy to be embraced by Him... I still revel in that embrace from time to time...

2005-08-16T16:03:00.000-07:00

Passions Recovered...

I went through a challenging time this year. Those challenges that make you question who you are and whether you have value have a way of making you recoil and hide emotionally. In the short term that needs to happen, but in the long run that is a mistake . The anger, questioning, and the sense of being misunderstood has to be forged again through the filters of time, hope, and faith in who we truly are . We can alter behaviour, but to change who we are at our best is another mistake. ....In 1812 in the congress of the United States, President Madison and a group called the " War Hawks "
said taking over the Canadian territories would be " a mere matter of marching "... 2 years later after a series of battles where Canadian miltias ( French and English ) and British troops where outnumbered an average of three to one; the United States was territorially smaller when the fighting stopped. A guerilla leader from Ireland, who's unit called the " Bloody Boys" fought for the Canadian cause, said simply about the American agressors; " they don't know who we are " . Whoever you are out there, whatever is happening to you ...that is the point, those who would drain the passion from your soul...don't know you... God knows us, still loves us and smiles at the passion we have when we are at our best, being there for others, in full view of our naysayers... Some pain in all of our lives ( greater in some of you than I have yet known ) sits like a load on your back, but don't let passions that have brought you to this point be extinguished.
For me, I will not...

2005-08-14T21:31:00.001-07:00

I Believe in You...

Have you ever prayed for someone and you wanted to do more for them ? You knew on the toughest level of their lives
that they have to do it themselves. It is the way I learn and grow, but I want to do something that stops their pain. yeah , I know, it's called rescuing. Or perhaps it really means, learn to trust God.
When my father was talking to me about the war, he was always quick to point out that there were no atheists in fox holes.
I replied cynically at the time about the swagger of some soldiers or the anger of others. My father just laughed; as a man laughs at a younger man who has it all figured out . He replied that the whoring, 48 hour drunken binges, and fighting came from a tremendous desire to feel alive and even the man who was angry with God in wartime had a relationship with him. I asked him about the things he would say to these desperate young men . He told me that when you live " cheek by jowl " (old school for "close" ) with other men, your words wil be played out in the faith you show in them. I was sure he was wrong. Why show faith in people when they are living in a downward spiral ? Wasn't that advocacy of their lives ? Then my dad looked at me and said, " Mark, sometimes you're an ass, God believes in you when you don't deserve it, That's the very least you can do for other people." I need be reminded of those words ( all of them ) when I am tempted to step in for other people instead of simply showing faith by believing in them...

2005-08-14T21:31:00.000-07:00

2005-07-28T10:38:00.000-07:00

The Shape of Hope...

Hope is almost never predictable. I guess if it was, we would be continously waiting for an event we are certain is coming, therefore no need for hope. Yesterday as I was driving in the evening I saw something that gave me hope. It was a random
event. I didn't even get out of my car. As I drove on, I realized that the unpredictability of life is God's certainty. ( No, not predestination: it's wrong to play God and it dosn't work anyway.) I'm talking about those events that you only understand in retrospect. What did I see ? I saw two people talking. I stopped my vehicle momentarily ( at a stop sign, no one behind me ).
I saw a two people talking to each other who looked as if the world could fall down around them and it wouldn't have mattered. Their gestures and eye contact were positive, focussed, respectful, and encouraging. I didn't stay long enough, but one would assume they would have parted company with a sense being heard and known . They were real , they connected...

2005-07-26T08:16:00.000-07:00

The War that Rages Within...

Do you ever feel as if you are a soldier who is lost on the field of combat ? You are with the right army, but the regiment is
all wrong. You look at who you are, how you are equipped, but you are on the wrong mission. Yeah, you are fighting, but you are missing in action from your unit who wears the same uniform . Longing for the right mission, you still live with passion,
but you are never quite in the right place...

2005-07-24T23:15:00.001-07:00

Evil's Best Tool : Cheap Intimacy

At the close of World War 2 the allies found very few Gestapo ( Nazi secret police ) records intact...except in Wurzburg where they were salvaged completely intact. What the allies found was a chilling testament to the darker side of human nature. There were only 8 gestapo secret police in Wurzburg. In fact in all of Nazi Germany there far fewer gestapo agents than the
allied forces had thought . The record showed in Wurzburg that the secret police knew that they could rely on the fact that people had a frightening need to be deemed with approval by a higher authority; evil or otherwise. Their records reveal people taken away to concentration camps because they snubbed someone on a special occasion or they did not fit the mold in the workplace.
One BBC documentary followed a young woman who was quiet and not social enough with many people who perceived it as a snub. She was gassed in 1942 as a threat to the state. There was only a need for enough secret police in Wurzburg to write up documentation and information about people who told secrets and lies about other people to gain status with the authorities and to gain "cheap intimacy" with others. yeah, you know: gossip ...In other words " I don't know you, but if you are "important" I will tell you things about other people and I will gain your intimacy and protection" ....There are checks and balances in our society today that ensures that a government will not put people to death based on a whim or lack of social acceptance. BUT...check out any workplace, school, church or institution today that involves hierarchy. There is a constant pressure ( especially when weak or imperceptive leadership exists ) to weaken and even damage others for the sake of the twisted approval of a select few... This is what makes New Heights an unusual place of solace for all. The very awkwardness and difficult process we experience in embracing so many people is the lifeblood of the place. This acceptance is a bulwark against the kind of thing in humanity that was exploited in Wurzburg. Those who sent the many away to camps from Wurzburg were strangely missing and silent when the glare of true justice exposed the real culprits through the Gestapo records. It is so with many institutions today .````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```May the Jesus who accepted me, pound my heart into submission when the whiff of "cheap intimacy " catches my nostrils and shows me an easy status to be gained.

2005-07-24T01:28:00.000-07:00

Getting Back to My Roots...

Many years ago ( almost none of you know this ) I was married once before. Her name was Nancy Duffy. It all ended so suddenly. In a whirlwind romance ( so typical of those times ) we were married at 1 o'clock and it ended at 6 pm.
It ended because...her mother called her in for dinner. We were both six years old. But we had life figured out.
Despite all of the needs that children have, there is a certainty about children around 6 years of age that is strangely comforting. I remember being six and I remember when my kids were six. Even now when I hear from a friend of mine about their son who is around the great six year marker. I am still amazed at the way he sees the world. There is a wonderful
transparency and honesty to them that gives hope to those who watch them grow. Yes, they will learn to " hide their cards" from a hurtful world. But at some point the best pieces of their character that were only clues when they were six years old are the same things that draw people to them now. One the many programs that talk about the psychology of human relationship suggested that the intuitive aspects that make people seem attractive to each other in appearance, personality
and ways of communicating come from the childhood years. Should we all act like six year olds then ? Perhaps not. But Jesus indicated that we have to come to him as children in order to understand what He is all about. He also got pretty ticked at his own disciples for getting in the way when the six year olds ( children ) tried to get to Him. Charles Dickens was one of the few writers in Victorian England who wrote about and observed the poorest, most down-trodden families in the worst neighborhoods of London. Upon looking at a new baby born amidst the ugly squalor of one of the overcrowded tenements, Dickens declared "this baby is beautiful because he is fresh from God" . If that is true about childhood, it would do me well to remember my roots...

2005-07-23T00:11:00.000-07:00

I need to: Simplify, Use God's eyesight, and Thrive...

I am inspired by a friend and others to clean up my language, grow in the joy of my offspring and sleep well knowing that we are loved. The return on this is that I would encourage anyone who has adrenal glands like mine that tend to overwhelm
my reasoned self-talk... to take stock. Most often the first lie I believe when someone has hurt me or even unfairly critisized my personal competence is that I am alone in this. Not true, if someone appears unusually persistent in their zeal to accuse me, it is very likely that others have suffered the same fate at the hands of the same bully . Secondly, despite my negative self-evaluation under the onslaught, these people really don't know me, my life, or the best things I have done with my life. Finally, the perceived need to gain revenge or vengence on the Bullies in this life is truly wasted when , despite the hurt,
I begin to see that the " bullies" we experience are often poor in spirit, impoverished in honest self-evaluation, and dangerously ill-prepared for personal tragedy. It is similar to King David's writings in psalm 73 " For I was envious of the arrogant...They are free from the burdens of men, neither are they plagued like other men...They scoff and speak with malice. In arrogance, they threaten oppression. Therefore their people return to them and they drink up waters of abundance. Surely in vain I have cleansed my heart...For all day long I have been plagued and punished every morning...When I tried to understand this, it was too painful for me. Until I entered God's santuary and considered their latter end ...As a dream when one wakes up, so Lord when you awake, you will despise their fantasies...For my soul was grieved and I was embittered in my heart...nevertheless, I am continually with you. You have held my right hand. You will give me your counsel..."
This is amazing stuff. Written 1000's of years ago, yet David is such a contemporary, heart on the sleeve kinda guy ( are you sure he wasn't Irish ? ) He was a murderer, adulterer, rejected by his family and sold by his own brothers into slavery...yet he learned so much from his hurt . He truly lived because of what he discovered as he changed in this foolishness, suffering, and passion. The Irony is that we are in much better shape than those who bully us. They must create a world around them that dosn't have the flexibility we have grown used to. The stiff branch appears strong without storms, but when the wind blows hard, the branches that can bend will survive and the stiffer branches will crack under the onslaught. I must admit that despite knowing all this, it is still tough to be the Jesus that has compassion on these people. Until I arrive in that heartspace, I will acknowledge God's love for them in the belief that I will understand them someday with the same compassion God has shown me in my worst moments.

2005-07-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

My Friend Will Know...

I have a friend that I haven't been in contact with for a long time. I am worried about my friend,
But...I have been praying that God will be there in a way that I can't. I know my friend well enough that God will reveal his
presence and reassurance in the simplest of things...In fact as I write this, it may have already taken place...In the past, it was things such as a piece of natural surroundings impossibly out of it's range, or the simple scent of something special.
Regardless, the Author of our lives knows how to key into our hearts in a way that touches us for the better.
At times, all manner of forces seem to be trying to destroy us from within and without , then suddenly the fog clears and God reveals himself in some way, and through our tears, the open wounds in our lives slowly begin to heal...

2005-07-14T23:53:00.000-07:00

God's Messengers Unaware...

Have you ever gone through a difficult time and in the midst of it you saw something, or someone said something and it
told you that you are going to be O.K... My mother and father lived a marriage that could only be called a Torrid Irish love affair for 37 years. It pushed them to pack the most into every moment of their lives and it produced some unusual children by any stretch. But, the first night my mother slept alone ( as with so many we know who have lost someone ) she said it was a night of emptiness, loneliness, blackness, and no sleep that resembled Hell itself.
As the light dawned at 4;30 she told us later that she was sure she would lose the very grip on her mind the rest of her days.
At 5 am that morning an old friend of my fathers from his war days phoned my mother and told her he knew he had to talk to her about their mutual loss: Ross Greenshields. The only people who share anything close to the intimacy of a man and a woman of for 37 years are two men who share the intimacy of time spent together during the war. He began to speak to my mother about his friend Ross and what a great companion he was and how through those difficult, dangerous years they had meant so much to each other as men in arms of common purpose despite their fears, youth, and dreams of a brighter future.
My mother told us that this particular comrade had not spoken to herself nor my father for many years and that his call and timing appeared to be "out of the blue". But it quickly dawned on her that this call was so much more... She got down on her knees and gave thanks to God for giving her back her sanity This friend was an answer from God amidst the madness and blackness that the death of her most cherished one placed upon her. That was when she was 62 years old back in 1983 and Mary Greenshields ( nee Cooper of Belfast ) died just a year and a half ago. Strangely, ( despite a son's bias ) many said she shone when he was alive and as much or more when he passed away. She spoke freely of him into her 80's as if he had left yesterday afternoon. When asked why she never married again, she repeated the question " where would I find another man like your father ?... We squeezed more life into those years than anyone I have known ... we taught each other how to live "
I experienced this sense of darkness and personal questioning on a much lesser scale just before the end of the school year. I was made to feel that all the passion and time invested of what I believed and did in terms of working with adolescents
was for naught. That is, until I spoke to a friend of mine on the phone. His call had nothing to do with my present life circumstance that was pushing me back to another time of questioning my existence or... at least my relevance. He unknowingly spoke of a similar life circumstance he had, related back to me that I was O.K. and somehow relayed to my psyche that I was needed in what I do. This man is not a Christian. But tonight he was God's Messenger Unaware.
If you get an urge to call someone and believe for some reason and timing you don't understand, that they need to hear from you. Make that call. If you think someone might need your encouragement. Make that call. If there is someone who pissed you off, but you heard something else in their voice. Make that call . Don't hand me that crap about whether you fit the bill. None of us do...and all of us do. Just make the call. God will look after them whether you do it or not, but wouldn't it be good to be part of it ?...

2005-07-07T12:31:00.000-07:00

My Human Grace; a line on the paper

I have come to realize ( or been shown by others ) that my sense of grace for others is only as wide as the lines on this paper ( one of them )
Years ago as I drove down the road with my father as a " confident" 17 year old, I told him I was amazed and disgusted with a decision a mutual friend of ours had made.
My father looked at me, pulled the car over and said, " I have known that man for a long time and for what he has gone through in his life, he is in better shape with God than you are " Wow, perspective. Suddenly, this guy's lifestyle, language, actions could no longer be judged by me. I have been shown numerous other times that what appears as a " Gray " view of God's acceptance of people reacting the way they do is really his absolute certainty of his love for them. It helps me to see the illustration of a narrow and wide path in life in another context; God's love for me ( us ) is wider than any road I could imagine. I need to learn to live with a sense of God's grace for others that is wider at the very least than the lines in this blog...

2005-06-27T21:43:00.001-07:00

Intimidation ...

Intimidation is the last vestige of those who have stopped believing in themselves and the ability of others to dialogue.
It means that " I can't engage you, therefore I will control you ". For everyone who might engage me in this way
it engenders despair. But this sense of despair only lasts for so long. God begins slowly ( my timing, not his ) to show me
what, who, and where the true importance lies in life events. I need to celebrate and embrace what I have been given. The "given" are our family , the core of loving people in our lives, and the beauty of God's words spoken through his creation that surrounds me . They are the ones who love us, even though they know us . Finally, in the midst of my worst despair in life about dealing with certain kinds of people, I have learned that we must never allow people who don't know and care about who we are to influence how we should deal with those who do...

2005-06-26T23:32:00.000-07:00

Assuming The Best...

In the process of working as an educator and counsellor, it is ultimately important to assume the best about people you deal with. If they blew it in a given circumstance or fell short by some artificial human standard, I need to assume the best about the motivation of that person. If I don't, I will never understand who they are when the dialogue begins. The last time I checked, we all believe that our motivation for what we have done is mostly appropriate, regardless of the judgment of others. Do I blow it in that regard ? Oh yeah, big time. But, I keep coming back to the fact that I must assume the best.
Why ? When the God that made you and I showed up as Jesus 2000 years ago, he always assumed the best about people.
His closest followers saw him dealing with people who had just blown it or had lives that were just "wrong". But because of His regard for those people, they felt understood: perhaps for the first time in their lives. I often find that there are colleagues as likely to forget this important perspective as the clients I work with.
Somewhere, at some point earlier in life, someone accepted me, regardless of my foolishness and it molded my acceptance of others. It is one of the few human gifts we can pass on regardless of DNA. I am thankful that in a formative, mistake-prone phase of my life someone assumed the best about me...

2005-06-24T19:41:00.000-07:00

The Shifting Sands of Family Life

At given moments my teenage children will push me because they ( much like myself at the same age ) have picked up a sizable chunk of the worlds information or experience about something which they assume is new to everyone. It is an endless dance that is taking place in families all over the world. People on the cusp of adulthood trying to put together pieces of real life so that they can find out who they are. I believe God smiles when he sees the dance over and over again. In my quieter moments I can see that it has to happen. What a strange privilege to have your own DNA challenge you about something you already know . Yes, we piss each other off with some regularity...and I can only blame the Irish bloodlines for so much. Ultimately, I can see that I am blessed to have my offspring teach me something about life. They are showing me a new way to experience the same adolescent moments in life that I was sure that I had already figured out...